Retro Rowe: WWE Taboo Tuesday 2005 Review

WWE Taboo Tuesday

November 1, 2005

by Samoa Rowe

-Follow me on Twitter: @SamoaRowe

-From San Diego, CA. Our hosts are Joey Styles and Jerry Lawler.

Edge (with Lita) and Chris Masters vs. Matt Hardy and Rey Mysterio

Fans got to vote for Smackdown superstars to face Edge and Masters. This is stemming from Eric Bischoff turning the lights off on the Smackdown roster at the Raw Homecoming special. Before the bell can ring, Lita and Edge back out of the match, as Edge doesn’t feel he has to prove himself against Matt Hardy again. Edge doesn’t care about Raw and introduces his replacement: Snitsky.

Snitsky and Chris Masters vs. Matt Hardy and Rey Mysterio

Masters takes advantage of Snitsky’s surprise arrival and attacks Rey from behind. Snitsky tags but his slam is reversed by Rey. Snitsky rebounds and slams Mysterio. The Raw team isolates Rey with fast tags and power moves. At the 3 minute mark, Matt gets a hot tag and unloads on both opponents. Snitsky blocks the Twist of Fate, but Matt catches him with a superplex. Masters breaks the cover and sets Matt up for a Snitsky big boot. It’s Matt’s turn to get isolated for a beating. Matt desperately hits a flying clothesline on Masters, but Snitsky prevents a tag. Matt counters with an inverted DDT and gets the hot tag. Mysterio explodes with a series of rapid fire flying attacks. Snitsky tosses Rey into the Masterlock! Matt saves Rey and clears the ring for stereo dives to the floor! Rey almost overshots a flying sunset flip, but Hardy clotheslines Masters into place for a convincing near fall. Masters nails an interesting slam on Rey for another close fall. Masters suffers a 619, Twist of Fate, and springboard splash. Rey pins Masters at 13:40! Rey and Matt carried a couple of stiffs to a hot opener, ***.
Winners: Rey Mysterio and Matt Hardy

-Lillian Garcia chats with Maria backstage. He thinks they got their luggage mixed up, as Maria is wearing the Mankind mask. Maria is playing complete ditz and thinks all her clothing belongs to Mick, so she strips off camera and hands him bra and tights. Cute segment.

Rob Conway and Tyson Tomko vs. Eugene and Jimmy Snuka

Fans chose Snuka over Kamala and Jim Duggan to be Eugene’s partner. This is one of the most random matches on paper I’ve ever seen. Eugene starts off against Tomko, and outsmarts him by switching hands on a test of strength set-up. Eugene signals a tag and gets ambushed by Conway, setting Eugene up as the isolated baby face. The match suffers a slow, painful death during the heat sequence. Eugene hangs Tomko on the ropes by the leg and desperately clotheslines Conway. Snuka gets the hot tag with about 5 minutes gone and strikes away at Conway. Tomko ambushes Snuka, but gets dumped by Eugene. Conway gets put down with a Stone Cold Stunner by Eugene, and Snuka’s splash ends it at 6:11. Bad match, but the crowd ate it up, so what do I know?, *.
Winners: Jimmy Snuka and Eugene

-Tomko looks for revenge afterwards, but Kamala and Jim Duggan run in for the save. Eugene celebrates with his human action figure friends.

Carlito vs. Mankind

Fans voted on which Mick Foley after ego would face Carlito. This is the first time Foley played Mankind since early 2000. Carlito connects with some punches and throws a drop-kick. Mankind delivers an elbow and rakes Carlito’s eyes on the ropes. Mankind hits a Tree of Woe elbow drop. Catapult into the ropes by Mankind and a baseball slide to ringside. Neckbreaker on the floor by Mankind, but Carlito blocks a chair shot, sending Foley into the ring steps. Carlito follows with a drop-kick that causes Mankind to land head-first on the steps. Carlito targets the head, delivering an impressive electric chair slam. Foley escapes a sleeper, but they both go down after double clothesline attempts. Mankind clotheslines Carlito over the ropes for the elbow drop off the apron! Double underhook DDT by Mankind and Mr. Socko (with an afro) finishes Carlito at 7:18. I'm pretty sure this is the only time Mick Foley has won a WWE match since 2000. This was a glorified squash, worthwhile for the nostalgia factor, **.
Winner: Mankind

-Eric Bischoff is having an angry phone conversation. He’s joined by Mr. McMahon and tries to make nice. Vince gives Eric a hard time over the Raw team losing to the Smackdown team earlier. Eric makes some lame excuses, prompting more anger from McMahon. It looks like Eric is on his own.

-It’s time to find out who will be joining John Cena and Kurt Angle in the main event. The choices are Shawn Michaels, Kane, and Big Show. Michaels easily wins the vote, meaning Kane and Big Show will be facing the World Tag Team Champions.

World Tag Team Championship:
Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch © vs. Kane and Big Show

Big Show attacks the champions at ringside, arranging a meeting of the minds. Show feeds Murdoch to Kane and the match officially begins. Murdoch survives Kane’s onslaught and gets a desperate tag to Cade. Big Show is quickly tagged in and doesn’t allow any offense from Cade. An eye rake by Cade allows a tag to Murdoch, but Big Show remains in control. Murdoch thumbs the eye of Kane, Murdoch distracts, but Kane blocks a superplex. Murdoch shoves Kane off the top rope for high/low clotheslines at ringside. Cade and Murdoch save this from being a complete squash and isolate Kane for a bit. Big Show gets a hot tag and proceeds in squashing the life out of the champions. A double choke slam finishes Cade at 7:59. This was a complete and utter burial of Cade and Murdoch, and pretty boring to boot, ½*.
Winners and new World Tag Team Champions: Kane and Big Show

-Todd Grisham (who I recently saw commenting on womens' college basketball on ESPN2) interviews Kane and Big Show in the ring about their victory. Before they can talk, Trevor Murdoch interrupts from the apron, prompting another double choke slam. It would take more than a year for Cade and Murdoch to recover from this setback.

-Vader is working out backstage when he’s joined by Goldust. They’re ready to interfere in Jonathan Coachman’s match against Batista. Coach rallies his troops, doing a pretty lame Rock impression.

-Todd Grisham is back in the official Taboo Tuesday Control Center and it’s time to find out what slutty outfit the divas will wear in their match. He brings the divas into the Control Center for the unveiling. The fans can choose from lingerie, leather and lace, or cheerleader outfits, and lingerie wins as expected. Is it any wonder no one took this PPV concept seriously?

-Speaking of lame stipulation voting, Batista vs. Coach will either be a verbal debate, arm-wrestling contest, or a street fight. GEE, I wonder what the fans will decide on. This match has a bizarre backstory, as Batista is a replacement since Steve Austin got cold feet once again due to the miserable WWE creative effort.

Street Fight:
Jonathan Coachman (with Vader and Goldust) vs. World Heavyweight Champion Batista

Aww, I wanted a verbal debate. Oh well, I guess I can live with a street fight. Coach hides on the apron and forces Batista to face Vader and Goldust. Batista quickly clears the ring, prompting Coach to regroup with his minions. Batista continues to dominate until Goldust starts swinging a kendo stick. Vader and Goldust hold Batista still so Coach can whip him with a belt. Batista gets back to his feet and whips everyone in sight. Spinebuster on Vader! Batista slaps Coach in the face and finishes him with the Batista Bomb at 4:12. This was not only awful, but incredibly weird, DUD.
Winner: Batista

-Todd Grisham interviews Shawn Michaels about the upcoming WWE title match. Kurt Angle interrupts and tries to form an alliance to dethrone John Cena. Shawn says he’ll think about it (what a hero).

Fulfill Your Fantasy Battle Royal (WWE Woman’s Championship):
Trish Stratus © vs. Ashley vs. Candice Michelle vs. Mickie James vs. Victoria vs. Maria

Fulfill my fantasy? What kind of a pervert does WWE think I am? Each diva gets her own entrance so they can show off their lingerie. The bell rings and chaos breaks out. Trish and Victoria fight on the turnbuckles while the others resort to cat fighting. Trish and Mickie team up to toss Maria. Candice saves herself against Ashley, but foolishly applies a head scissors over the ropes. Candice shows off and gets knocked off the apron by Ashley. Tirt-a-whirl side slam on Trish by Victoria! This upsets Mickie, who aggressively goes after Victoria. Ashley gets catapulted out by Victoria. Mickie suffers Victoria’s side slam as well, but Trish recovers for a spinning head scissors. Mickie rescues Trish from elimination, but gets caught with a Victoria clothesline. Trish does her Matrix trick, but Victoria stomps her gut. Mickie saves Trish yet again and tackles Victoria through the ropes, inadvertently eliminating herself as well. Trish shrugs it off and celebrates her victory. Interesting finish to a train wreck, *.
Winner and still WWE Women’s Champion: Trish Stratus

-Todd Grisham tries to interview Trish, but Mickie interrupts to gush about how great Trish is. Trish is patient with Mickie, at least for now.

-Hype video for Triple H vs. Ric Flair. The fans voted on the stipulation being 1 Fall to a Finish, Submission, or Steel Cage. Obviously, the most enticing choice was Steel Cage. Have I mentioned how much this PPV concept sucked?

Intercontinental Championship (Steel Cage Match):
Ric Flair vs. Triple H

Triple H recently turned on Flair at the Raw Homecoming special and subsequently vowed to “put Flair down.” The bell rings and they immediately begin throwing punches and chops. A knee lift by Triple H gives him the advantage. Flair throws more chops, but Triple H answers with a spinebuster. HHH tosses Flair into the cage wall, busting him open in the process. HHH methodically targets the forehead. Triple H is apparently satisfied and tries to nonchalantly climb out. Flair cuts him off and chops him on the top rope. Both men trip and get crotched on the rope, which is more amusing than they intended. HHH pulls a chain off the cage, but Flair counters with a boot to the face. Flair delivers an atomic drop and signals the Figure Four, but Triple H counters with the chain wrapped around his fist. The Game continues targeting the forehead, but the referee takes the chain away from him. Triple H mocks the Flair strut and applies a Figure Four! Flair reverses the Figure Four, but they roll into the ropes. HHH goes for the hold again, but Flair kicks him into the cage. That light bump into the wall busted Triple H open, so I guess it’s really on now. Flair finds his second wind attacking the bloody forehead of The Game. Flair turns his attention to Triple H’s previously injured quad. Flair applies the Figure Four and flips the bird. Triple H is in big trouble and only breaks the hold by pulling the referee onto them. Flair nails a double axe handle off the top! Blatant low blow by Flair, who crawls for the open door. Triple H stops Flair and takes a chair away from him. Flair counters with the Testicular Claw! The Pedigree is countered with a back drop onto the chair! Series of chair shots to the head by Flair, who escapes at 23:41! Tremendous outing here, with Triple H delivering a smart performance as a ruthless bad-ass and Flair playing a heroic underdog, ****.
Winner and still Intercontinental Champion: Ric Flair

WWE Championship:
John Cena © vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

Angle immediately attacks Michaels, thus negating any plans they made earlier. HBK quickly recovers and unleashes a flurry on both opponents. Angle rebounds, but gets tossed out by Cena. Michaels goes to work wearing Cena down. Angle storms in and throws a series of suplexes. All three men attempt their finishers, but they’re all blocked. We get some rapid fire pin attempts from Cena, until Angle and Michaels team up out of necessity. They slam Cena face-first through the announce table! With Cena down, HBK immediately attacks Angle with a chop. Angle and HBK rekindle their rivalry in the ring. HBK fights hard to break a body scissors. Overhead belly to belly suplex by Angle, but his superplex is blocked. Angle rushes back up for a top rope Olympic Slam! John Cena returns and cleans house on both challengers. Cena signals the Five Knuckle Shuffle on HBK, but Angle pulls him to ringside. Michaels wipes out with a dive onto both opponents! Michaels continues to build momentum until Angle suplexes him over the ropes! Angle counters the F-U and locks Cena in the ankle lock. HBK saves Cena with an elbow drop on Angle! Sweet Chin Music on Angle, but Cena catches Michaels with the F-U for the win at 16:39. Hot main event here with nonstop action that never lost it’s crowd heat, ***¾.
Winner and still WWE Champion: John Cena

Final Thoughts: This was shaping up to be one of the all-time worst WWE pay-per-views until the last two matches came along to save it. Fans voting on participants and stipulations made for a lousy PPV concept, as did holding the show on a Tuesday night, and this event was replaced with Cyber Sunday for the next couple years. The quality of the cage match and triple threat (plus the good opener) are enough to lift this event to a Thumbs in the Middle.