So I was sitting around last night thinking about random wrestling related things when it hit me. In the past two months (June and July) every single championship in both WWE and TNA changed hands. Some of them multiple times.
Batista won the WWE Championship at Extreme Rules, but would vacate the title days later due to injury. Randy Orton would then claim the belt on the following Raw.
Jeff Hardy won the World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules. He promptly dropped the title to Mr. Money in the Bank himself, CM Punk. In July, at Night of Champions, Jeff Hardy would regain the belt.
Kurt Angle claimed the TNA Heavyweight title at Slammiversary.
Tommy Dreamer picked up the ECW Championship at Extreme Rules in June, and Christian regained the title from him at Night of Champions in July.
Kofi Kingston claimed the United States Championship on June 1st on Raw.
Kevin Nash won the TNA Legends Championship at Victory Road. On last night's Impact, he lost the belt to Mick Foley.
Chris Jericho won the Intercontinental Championship for the 9th time at Extreme Rules. Rey Mysterio would take the title back from him at The Bash.
Beer Money Inc. took back the TNA Tag Team Championship at Slammiversary but came up short at Victory Road, and Scott Steiner and Booker T are the new champions.
Chris Jericho and Edge ended the Primo and Carlito's Unified Tag Team Championship reign at The Bash. At Night of Champions, Big Show became the official replacement for the injured Edge.
Homicide claimed the X Division title from Suicide on an episode of Impact on June 26th (aired July 16th).
Tara (formerly Victoria) won the Knockouts belt on Impact, but quickly dropped the gold back to Angelina Love at July's Victory Road.
Mickie James won the Divas Championship from longtime champion Maryse at Night of Champions.
Michelle McCool picked up the Women's Championship from Melina at The Bash.
I can only imagine that all these title changes are intended to boost ratings and pay-per-view buys. I suppose people are going to be more likely to order a show if they think that the belts could very well change hands but if they keep going doing this at the rate they are, these changes are going to lose all their meaning and impacts. Some moderation would be wise.
Showing posts with label Tommy Dreamer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tommy Dreamer. Show all posts
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Retro Review: December to Dismember
ECW December to Dismember
December 3rd 2006
I was going to pass this one up, but seeing as it was free on Youtube, I figured I could stomach this. I sure do feel sorry for the fans in attendance.
I’m going to steal Scott Keith's “Hot poker up the ass” system for this show, with the proud recipient being Vince McMahon, for not letting Heyman control this brand.
Our hosts for the evening are Joey Styles and Tazz. Styles slips that a new champion will be crowned in the first ever “extreme” elimination chamber match. The Spanish announcers made the trip to this event too! This is truly the big time!
Oh, and I think 15 hot pokers are in order for making the theme song to this show the same song that opens every episode of ECW. They couldn't be bothered to pay for royalties other than "Bodies" by Drowning Pool.
MNM vs. The Hardy Boyz
That’s right, the show is being kicked off with Raw and Smackdown stars. I’d say one fiery poker up the ass for that fact alone. At least this match stands a chance of being good. Oh, this is also the first of two previously announced matches for the event, so another four hot pokers up Vince’s ass for that genius strategy.
The bell rings, and Tazz is checking out Melina. After a few seconds Mercury ties up with Matt. Matt drags Mercury into a side headlock, Mercury tries to pick up the pace, but Matt gets the hold back. It breaks and Matt reverses a hip toss and they go into a stalemate. Jeff and Nitro enter the ring, threatening a brawl, but the referee keeps control. The match restarts, and Mercury wrenches the arm of Matt Hardy. Matt reverses and shoves him into the turnbuckle. Tag is made to Jeff, who continues to work on Mercury’s arm. Matt tags in goes for the hammerlock. Mercury tags in Nitro, who runs into a hip toss. Matt works Nitro’s arm over too, and tags in Jeff, who drop kicks his way into Nitro and gets a near fall. Matt tags in and the Hardys double team Nitro and an invading Mercury. Jeff tags in, but Nitro counters a jaw breaker. Nitro tags in Mercury for a double team, and a near fall. Nitro tags in and hits a neck breaker. Nitro has been earning some big heat from the crowd all night. Matt comes back and quickens the pace. Nitro gets a shot and climbs the turnbuckle, but Matt catches him and hits a cool sit-out power bomb. Melina grabs Matt’s leg to stop his momentum, so Matt chases after her, running into a trap by Mercury.
Thanks to the trap, MNM is in clear control of Matt, hitting a double team gut buster. MNM makes frequent tags, and double team Matt at every opportunity. Matt refuses to stay down for near falls. This match has become so formulaic and basic, I don’t even want to do play by play for it anymore. Nitro takes a moment to knock Jeff off the apron, giving him and Mercury time for some double teams. Jeff tries to enter, but that is apparently not allowed by Mr. Referee. The match is so boring now that Tazz is reminiscing about his Smackdown days. Seriously. Back in the match, Matt reverses a double suplex into a double neck breaker. Matt nearly makes the tag, but MNM knocks Jeff down again. MNM copy the Hardy’s poetry in motion, while Melina screams in celebration. Mercury tries to steal the twist of fate, but Matt shoves him into Nitro, who was on the turnbuckle. Jeff is finally tagged in and cleans house. Jeff gets a close fall on Mercury, but Nitro ruins it. MNM tries to double team, but Matt clotheslines Mercury to the floor and springboards onto him. This sparks an “ECW” chant. Nitro then leaps over the ropes onto both of them. Jeff finishes the set with a crossbody off the turnbuckle onto MNM. The crowd is desperate for some fun and give this a “holy shit” chant.
Back in the ring, the Hardys hit the poetry in motion, twist of fate, but miss on Jeff’s Swanton bomb. Nitro springboards into a missile drop kick onto Jeff, as Matt and Mercury are both back on the floor. Nitro goes to work on Jeff’s lower back, capitalizing on the missed Swanton bomb. Mercury tags in and they double slingshot Jeff into the turnbuckle. Jeff is the new face in peril and suffers the inevitable surfboard stretch from Mercury. Jeff fights out, so MNM continue the tag and double team strategy. The crowd entertains themselves with a “she’s a crack whore” chant directed towards Melina. Jeff is planted onto the floor, and Melina gets some cheap shots in. MNM goes back to the frequent tags, and this match is dead. On the plus side, MNM’s offense looks good. Matt runs in and interrupts a cover attempt. Jeff tries to fight back with a sunset flip, but Nitro made a blind tag. Mercury goes for another rest hold. I guess they are stalling for time while the writers are out back throwing darts at names to decide what the rest of the card looks like.
Nitro continues the attack on Jeff while Mercury pulls Matt off the apron. MNM tries to double sling shot Jeff into the turnbuckle again, which of course means that Jeff transitions this into the whisper of the wind. Matt is FINALLY tagged in and cleans house. Matt hits the side effect on both members of MNM and nearly pins Nitro. Matt hits the off the ropes leg drop, but Nitro kicks out! Jeff tags in and goes for a powerbomb off the ropes, but Mercury stops them and inventively flips Jeff onto the mat. I’m adding a ½* for that spot alone. Matt and Jeff set Mercury and Nitro up on opposite turnbuckles for superplexes. Jeff gets a cover, but Melina is on the apron for a distraction. Jeff angrily confronts her, and Nitro accidentally drop kicks Melina off the apron. Jeff gets a very close roll-up. MNM hit the snap shot on Jeff, and Matt just barely breaks up the following cover attempt. MNM plant Jeff on the turnbuckles and try to hit a super snap shot! Matt makes the save and hits a double neck breaker off the top! Jeff hits a Swanton on both members of MNM and finally gets the pinfall victory at 22:23! This match had some very inventive spots, but also some really dead and boring spots. I would say **1/2, but I have to factor in that ½* I promised, so **3/4. No hot pokers necessary here.
Winners: The Hardy Boyz
Backstage, Rob Van Dam cuts a promo putting over the extreme elimination chamber match. RVD knows he might not walk out of the match, but the risks are worth the prize: the ECW title.
Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney
Vince gets five hot pokers for booking Mahoney in a non extreme rules match on pay-per-view. Before the match, Striker takes the microphone and puts himself over to some surprisingly potent heat from the crowd. Striker announces that his opponent is Mahoney, which the crowd is pleased to hear. Striker then puts over the extreme elimination chamber match too. Striker feels like he owes it to the crowd to restore order in a violent society. Striker teases making the match extreme rules, but swerves it into being fought under extreme enforcement of the rules. That’s right, give the crowd something else to be angry about. No hot pokers, since this was one of the better Striker promos I have heard.
Striker names his own rules for the match, including “no profanity.” Striker also has his own face on the back of his tights. That is extreme, man. Tazz and Styles have some good times making fun of this. Mahoney goes for Striker’s leg, but Striker gets a rope break. They tie up and Mahoney takes control after some running around. Mahoney gets an arm toss and locks his legs around Striker. Striker breaks free and hides in the ropes. They tease a tie up again, but Striker aggressively strikes Mahoney instead. Striker dodges a rampaging Mahoney, causing him to plummet shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Striker goes to work on the arm. A “Striker sucks” chant breaks out, while the arm attacks continue. Mahoney rolls Striker into a cover attempt, but Striker kicks out and goes back on the arm attack. The crowd threatens to turn on this match if things don’t pick up soon. Mahoney tries to mount a come back with some punches, and a side walk slam. Mahoney gets a near fall and goes high risk. Striker shakes the ropes, and Mahoney plummets to the mat. Striker rolls into an armbar. Mahoney almost taps, but gets into the ropes. Mahoney mounts another come back with his specialty punches and back body drop. The crowd is polite enough to chant around with the punches. Mahoney gets a sit-down power bomb for the victory at 7:22 after Striker teased a comeback! This match felt like a glorified Heat match, but Striker showed some good stuff with his vicious arm attacks, *1/4.
Winner: Balls Mahoney
Backstage, CM Punk is getting pumped up for the elimination chamber. He doesn’t say anything, just throwing punches. Three hot pokers for not playing to Punk’s strengths.
Elsewhere, Sabu has been found pummeled. Paul Heyman takes him out of the main event. 20 hot pokers for waiting until after the show started before removing Sabu from the match, and another 20 hot pokers for replacing him with Hardcore Holly. The crowd chants “bullshit” and I couldn’t agree more.
Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke vs. The FBI (with Trinity)
Terkay was released almost immediately after this show. Burke takes the microphone before the match and puts himself over. Like a wild animal in heat, they will leave their mark on ECW. Two hot pokers for that stupid comment. The FBI make their entrance, and Tazz is drooling over Trinity now.
Burke starts with Little Guido and they do a little chain wrestling. Little Guido steals Burke’s obnoxious hat and puts it on himself. Now that’s entertainment! Mamaluke tags in and goes for the side headlock. This transitions into some arm wrenching, and a tag to Guido. The FBI double teams Burke and Guido tries a cover. Burke manages to fight his way to Terkay and makes the tag. The FBI are more or less dead now, as Terkay is a manbearpig. Terkay methodically slugs away on Mamaluke, but misses a splash into the corner. Guido tags in and goes for a crossbody, but Terkay catches him. While holding Guido, he kicks Mamaluke with a big boot, and throws Guido at him over the ropes. This earns a “you still suck” chant. The tag is made to Burke, who gets an upper cut and then the reverse chin lock on Guido. Guido tries to fight back, and gets sent flying into Terkay’s corner. Guido quickly strikes at both men, but Terkay knocks him down. The crowd chants “FBI” as Guido suffers some double team shots. Burke hits a nice clothesline and a legsweep. Mamaluke interrupts a cover, but Burke goes for the headlock. Tag is made to Mamaluke, who hits a couple of drop kicks and a flying forearm. Terkay enters, and gets drop kicked by both FBI members into the knees. Burke suffers a double flap jack, and Mamaluke goes for the cover. Burke barely kicked out. Terkay pulls Guido out of the ring, meanwhile Burke drops Mamaluke into Terkay’s elbow and hits “The Elijah Express” for the win at 6:41. This was actually decent, as Burke and the FBI looked promising. Terkay was inoffensive, but this felt like another glorified Heat match, *1/2. Five hot pokers for the lack of extreme rules.
Winners: Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke
After the match, Terkay hits a muscle buster on Mamaluke as one fan chants “TNA.”
Backstage, Sabu is being loaded into an ambulance. CM Punk and Rob Van Dam watch in concern.
Daivari (with The Great Khali) vs. Tommy Dreamer
Daivari continues the trend of the evening of having the heel cut a prematch promo. Daivari is speaking Arabic, which still makes more sense than Khali’s English. Five hot pokers simply for Khali’s mere presence. Dreamer makes his entrance, and he looks legitimately grumpy. I can’t say I blame him.
The fans are chanting “extreme rules” and “ECW” but they are in for another disappointment. 10 hot pokers for continuing to upset this crowd. They tie up, and Daivari immediately takes control. Dreamer reverses and Irish whip, so Daivari escapes to ringside. Daivari sneaks back in and aggressively assaults Dreamer. Dreamer hits an arm drag, sending Daivari to ringside for another breather. Daivari charges, but Dreamer drop toe holds him to the mat. Daivari rakes the eyes and hits a drop kick. Dreamer falls to ringside and eats a baseball slide. Dreamer reverses an Irish whip and sends Daivari into the barricade. Khali helps Daivari up, so this thrilling bout can continue. Back in the ring, Dreamer hits a suplex and runs into the ropes, but Khali pulls the ropes, causing Dreamer to crash to the floor. The referee kicks Khali out of the arena. The match restarts with Daivari hitting some basic offense. The crowd is chanting “we want hardcore.” I can’t help but think the Vince interpreted that chant as the crowd wanting Bob Holly.
Daivari has a headlock on Dreamer, because this match really needed a rest hold. Dreamer fights out, but that crafty Daivari continues with the generic offense and another rest hold. The crowd is chanting “fuck him up, Dreamer.” Daivari gets a sleeper in and the crowd is absolutely shitting on this now. They were patient up until now, I give them credit for that. 30 hot pokers just for the hell of it. Dreamer drops Daivari back to the mat, and both men are down. They trade shots while standing up, with Dreamer winning the exchange. Dreamer hits a back body drop and a scoop slam. Dreamer hits an inverted DDT and gets a close fall. Dreamer goes for the Dreamer Driver, but Daivari goes for the eyes and escapes. Daivari climbs up top, but Dreamer follows, only to get knocked down. Daivari misses a flying cross body. Dreamer places Daivari in the tree of woe and the crowd wakes up. Dreamer hits a drop kick to the head. Daivari almost immediately comes back with a roll up and pulls on the tights for the victory at 7:23! The crowd did not like that one single bit. 50 hot pokers for continuing to piss off an already angry crowd and DUD.
Winner: Daivari
After the match, Khali reemerges and hits the double Chokeslam on Dreamer right onto the stage. Something the WWE does not seem to realize is that if they wanted the new ECW to work, they needed to treat the ECW originals like stars, even if they weren’t in the larger scaled of the WWE. Treating Dreamer like a jobber only pisses off the old ECW fans and makes the new fans wonder why Dreamer was such a big deal in the first place. 50 more hot pokers for using Dreamer to put over Daivari and Khali, both of which would be shipped to the other brands soon after.
We are treated to some hype for See No Evil. 50 hot pokers for using the brand that is supposed to be rebellious against all things WWE to promote a WWE movie.
Backstage, Paul Heyman is wandering around. He finds Hardcore Holly and officially puts him into the main event as an attempt to do “what is best for ECW.” 15 hot pokers for making Heyman say such a crock of shit. The crowd is pissed off that Holly is in the main event.
Mike Knox and Kelly Kelly vs. Kevin Thorn and Ariel
Kelly takes the microphone before the match and wishes CM Punk good luck in the extreme elimination chamber. Knox is not pleased with this, and a great “CM Punk” chant breaks out. Thorn and Ariel have an awesome entrance, thought I’d mention that. I actually enjoy the entire vampirism gimmick, I just wish that they’d given Thorn a more bad-ass name. Imagine if in 1998, the Brood had consisted of David Fang, Adam Edge, and Christian Cage? Well, the last part kind of stuck, but sue me.
Knox and Thorn kick the match off, while Tazz and Styles speculate about “bite clubs.” They tie up and shove each other off. Knox misses a clothesline and Thorn fires away with some shots. Thorn whips Knox into an elbow and stomps away at the back. Knox pulls Thorn by the hair and hits a great looking lariat clothesline. Knox angrily punches away at Thorn. This doesn’t last, as Thorn comes back with a clothesline. The crowd is dead, but at least they aren’t openly booing. Thorn beats Knox into the corner and is pulled off by the ref. This seemingly turned Ariel on. Knox comes back with a snapmare, but is unable to keep long term control. He does hit a big boot and gets a near fall. Knox goes for a sleeper, because we haven’t seen enough of those tonight. 15 hot pokers just for the boring nature of these matches. Thorn pushes Knox into his corner while trapped in the head lock and tags in Ariel. Knox reluctantly tags in Kelly. Ariel dominates Kelly right away. Kelly is totally inexperienced, so they are limited in what they can do. Ariel tries to cover by stomping, punching, and choking. Kelly tries to make the tag to Knox, but Ariel keeps up the attack. Kelly kicks Ariel off of her, but Knox decides he’d rather not make the tag and walks off. Ariel finishes Kelly with a legsweep for the victory at 7:43. This was horrible, but at least something significant happened, ¼*. Unfortunately, this match didn’t do any favors for any of the participants.
Winners: Kevin Thorn and Ariel
After the match, Ariel keeps attacking Kelly, but The Sandman makes an unscheduled appearance. 25 hot pokers for not booking Sandman in a match. The crowd is happy to see Sandman, who has a kendo stick in hand. Sandman unleashes his fury on Thorn, and the crowd comes alive at the sight of some actual violence!
Backstage, Michael Cole is pimping Smackdown’s pay-per-view, Armageddon. 10 hot pokers for this blatant shilling, and for holding so many pay-per-views in such a short amount of time. And to think, the WWE actually are confused as to why the buyrates to all of those late 2006 shows were so pathetic.
Backstage, some random diva is standing by with Bobby Lashley. They take a look back at Lashley’s match against the Big Show from a couple weeks ago. The match ended when Heyman orchestrated a beat down on Lashley, thanks to Test and Show. 15 hot pokers for giving Lashley mic time. Lashley doesn’t give a damn what Heyman throws at him, because nothing can stop him. He is one man with one mission, and that’s to be the ECW World Champion.
That’s right, it is time for the main event after only about an hour and a half. 30 hot pokers for holding such a short pay-per-view, this was barely longer than one of those old TNA weekly shows.
ECW World Championship:
Extreme Elimination Chamber
Big Show © vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Bobby Lashley vs. CM Punk vs. Test
Rob Van Dam and Hardcore Holly are the first two in the match. RVD takes control with his trademark offense, until running into a clothesline. Holly tries to pin RVD in the early going. Holly kicks away, but RVD fires back with some punches. The action spills over the ropes into the steel area. RVD leaps off the ropes but misses Holly. RVD bounces off the cage but misses Holly again, landing in the ropes. Holly rams RVD head first into the cage, and the crowd is actually enjoying this. Holly slams RVD onto the steel and climbs the turnbuckle. RVD gets a boot to the face of an incoming Holly, in a seriously contrived spot. RVD then hits a rolling thunder over the ropes onto Holly on the steel. RVD should really participate in more of these matches. Holly reverses a suplex and drops RVD back into the ring. Holly goes for a cover, but RVD is still alive. Holly soon hits a big drop kick and goes for another cover.
The first man out of the chamber is CM Punk, who immediately throws a chair at Holly and springboards off the ropes into RVD. Punk tosses the chair at RVD, who catches it and throws it right back at him. RVD then sloppily monkey flips Punk onto the chair. Punk then dodges some kicks from RVD and leg drops him onto the chair. Punk is in control of RVD, hitting some elbow shots and driving his head into a chair positioned in the ropes. Punk goes for a head scissors on Holly on the steel, but Holly catches him and swings him into the cage! Big “CM Punk” chant from the fans, as Holly dominates him. Holly plants Punk gut first on the ropes and kicks him in the head. Holly sets Punk up on the top rope and chops him. Holly hits a big superplex. RVD goes for the cover on Punk, who kicks out. That would have been really lame. Holly goes for a cover too, but Punk kicks out again. Punk reverses an Irish whip on Holly, and goes for a bull dog but gets kicked in the face by RVD. Test is the next man in the match.
Test has a weapon and goes straight to rubbing it in RVD’s face. Test then chokes the life out of Punk. The weapon appears to be a cane. Test goes back to Punk, who surprises him with a stunner. RVD is meanwhile battling Holly, but takes a moment to hit Test with a chair. RVD then drop kicks the chair right onto CM Punk’s face! RVD goes top rope and hits the five star frog splash and eliminates CM Punk at 12:22. 15 hot pokers up the ass for making Punk the first elimination. Test big boots Holly and almost pins him. Actually, it counted as an elimination, even though Holly appeared to kick out. So, Holly is eliminated at 12:40. That was pointless, let’s give another 10 hot pokers to Vince’s ass. RVD climbs to the top and hits a flying kick on Test. RVD goes for the five star frog splash again, this time on top of Big Show’s chamber. Show grabs RVD through the ceiling, allowing Test to climb up and hit RVD with a chair. Test drops RVD to the mat and places the chair on top of him. Test climbs to the top of Show’s chamber and hits a HUGE flying elbow! That was awesome! Test then eliminates Rob Van Dam at 13:58, which is awful booking, 25 hot pokers for that. It would have been more, if Test’s elbow drop had not been awesome. The crowd is pissed off, and rightfully so. They eliminated Punk and RVD only so that they wouldn’t get more crowd support than Lashley, and if that was the case than 50 hot pokers for Lashley being in this match in the first place.
Lashley joins the match, but Heyman’s cronies prevent the official from opening his chamber. Test taunts him from outside, so Lashley grabs the table in the chamber and uses it to break through the ceiling. Test climbs up to meet him, but gets kicked down. Lashley hits a flying clothesline off the turnbuckle. Lashley dominates Test, throwing him into the cage walls. The action spills back into the ring, where Test regains control, choking Lashley with his boot. Test takes a chair, but Lashley kicks it into his head. Lashley hits a series of clotheslines, as the crowd boos. Lashley connects with a snap suplex and dodges a chair shot. Lashley spears Test and eliminates him at 19:38. The crowd is not happy with how this match is turning out. There is still more than a minute before Big Show enters the ring, so he takes advice from a screaming Paul Heyman at ringside. Lashley prepares for Show by getting the table out of his chamber. The minute goes by really slowly, and Lashley throws a chair at Show’s chamber to try and keep things interesting.
Big Show finally enters the match, and is yielding a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Show swings the bat, but Lashley blocks it with the chair. Show gets the bat stuck in the cage, allowing Lashley to get a chair shot in. Lashley rams Show’s head into the steel and poses to a great amount of jeers from the jaded fans. Lashley then whips Big Show into the bullet proof glass chamber, shattering it. Lashley violently pursues Show, who is bleeding now. Lashley is then tossed over the ropes into the ring. Show hits a clothesline and signals the Chokeslam. Lashley blocks the Chokeslam and hits a DDT. They trade shots until Show pushes Lashley into the corner. Lashley then runs into Show’s arms, but escapes a slam. Lashley hits a big spear for the win at 24:41 and becomes the ECW World Champion! This definitely gets a mixed reaction from the fans. I’m watching this with Spanish commentary on, so I’m sure I’m missing some awesome crowd chants, but oh well. 25 hot pokers for Lashley winning the ECW title about two weeks after joining the brand, an extra 30 hot pokers for eliminating RVD and Punk so quickly, and 50 pokers for making Big Show’s final pay-per-view match before retirement go down this way. Aside from the bad taste of the booking here, the match was pretty solid, had some great spots involving the chamber, and kept a good pace, **3/4.
Winner and new ECW World Champion: Bobby Lashley
Final Thoughts: Reviewing this show has given me a headache. This pay-per-view is a study in awfulness. It was like Vince and company wanted this show to fail in the worst way possible. From removing Sabu from the main event, to rubbing it in the fans faces that the midcard matches weren’t extreme rules, to eliminating RVD and Punk because they knew they would be favored over Lashley, to having the show just barely reach the two hour mark, I don’t even know how to begin to comprehend how anyone backstage at WWE thought this show was a good idea. If this wasn’t blatant sabotage, then Vince is really out of his mind.
What is even more amazing is that Vince thinks the tactic of only announcing two matches beforehand was a good idea and that it will be used for other brand pay-per-views in the future. I really hope the abysmal buyrate of 90,000 snapped him out of that mindset.
Finally, they had SIX MONTHS to build this show after One Night Stand. And what did they do with those six months? Did they develop meaningful feuds and push a strong midcard? No, they jobbed the ECW originals to guys who weren’t going to get over anyway, and had frequent guest stars from Raw and Smackdown to try and boost ratings. The few feuds they did have going (RVD vs. Show, Punk vs. Knox) were basically forgotten about. The devolution of ECW from One Night Stand to December to Dismember is remarkable and a study of how NOT to run a wrestling show.
Thumbs down about as far as possible.
December 3rd 2006
I was going to pass this one up, but seeing as it was free on Youtube, I figured I could stomach this. I sure do feel sorry for the fans in attendance.
I’m going to steal Scott Keith's “Hot poker up the ass” system for this show, with the proud recipient being Vince McMahon, for not letting Heyman control this brand.
Our hosts for the evening are Joey Styles and Tazz. Styles slips that a new champion will be crowned in the first ever “extreme” elimination chamber match. The Spanish announcers made the trip to this event too! This is truly the big time!
Oh, and I think 15 hot pokers are in order for making the theme song to this show the same song that opens every episode of ECW. They couldn't be bothered to pay for royalties other than "Bodies" by Drowning Pool.
MNM vs. The Hardy Boyz
That’s right, the show is being kicked off with Raw and Smackdown stars. I’d say one fiery poker up the ass for that fact alone. At least this match stands a chance of being good. Oh, this is also the first of two previously announced matches for the event, so another four hot pokers up Vince’s ass for that genius strategy.
The bell rings, and Tazz is checking out Melina. After a few seconds Mercury ties up with Matt. Matt drags Mercury into a side headlock, Mercury tries to pick up the pace, but Matt gets the hold back. It breaks and Matt reverses a hip toss and they go into a stalemate. Jeff and Nitro enter the ring, threatening a brawl, but the referee keeps control. The match restarts, and Mercury wrenches the arm of Matt Hardy. Matt reverses and shoves him into the turnbuckle. Tag is made to Jeff, who continues to work on Mercury’s arm. Matt tags in goes for the hammerlock. Mercury tags in Nitro, who runs into a hip toss. Matt works Nitro’s arm over too, and tags in Jeff, who drop kicks his way into Nitro and gets a near fall. Matt tags in and the Hardys double team Nitro and an invading Mercury. Jeff tags in, but Nitro counters a jaw breaker. Nitro tags in Mercury for a double team, and a near fall. Nitro tags in and hits a neck breaker. Nitro has been earning some big heat from the crowd all night. Matt comes back and quickens the pace. Nitro gets a shot and climbs the turnbuckle, but Matt catches him and hits a cool sit-out power bomb. Melina grabs Matt’s leg to stop his momentum, so Matt chases after her, running into a trap by Mercury.
Thanks to the trap, MNM is in clear control of Matt, hitting a double team gut buster. MNM makes frequent tags, and double team Matt at every opportunity. Matt refuses to stay down for near falls. This match has become so formulaic and basic, I don’t even want to do play by play for it anymore. Nitro takes a moment to knock Jeff off the apron, giving him and Mercury time for some double teams. Jeff tries to enter, but that is apparently not allowed by Mr. Referee. The match is so boring now that Tazz is reminiscing about his Smackdown days. Seriously. Back in the match, Matt reverses a double suplex into a double neck breaker. Matt nearly makes the tag, but MNM knocks Jeff down again. MNM copy the Hardy’s poetry in motion, while Melina screams in celebration. Mercury tries to steal the twist of fate, but Matt shoves him into Nitro, who was on the turnbuckle. Jeff is finally tagged in and cleans house. Jeff gets a close fall on Mercury, but Nitro ruins it. MNM tries to double team, but Matt clotheslines Mercury to the floor and springboards onto him. This sparks an “ECW” chant. Nitro then leaps over the ropes onto both of them. Jeff finishes the set with a crossbody off the turnbuckle onto MNM. The crowd is desperate for some fun and give this a “holy shit” chant.
Back in the ring, the Hardys hit the poetry in motion, twist of fate, but miss on Jeff’s Swanton bomb. Nitro springboards into a missile drop kick onto Jeff, as Matt and Mercury are both back on the floor. Nitro goes to work on Jeff’s lower back, capitalizing on the missed Swanton bomb. Mercury tags in and they double slingshot Jeff into the turnbuckle. Jeff is the new face in peril and suffers the inevitable surfboard stretch from Mercury. Jeff fights out, so MNM continue the tag and double team strategy. The crowd entertains themselves with a “she’s a crack whore” chant directed towards Melina. Jeff is planted onto the floor, and Melina gets some cheap shots in. MNM goes back to the frequent tags, and this match is dead. On the plus side, MNM’s offense looks good. Matt runs in and interrupts a cover attempt. Jeff tries to fight back with a sunset flip, but Nitro made a blind tag. Mercury goes for another rest hold. I guess they are stalling for time while the writers are out back throwing darts at names to decide what the rest of the card looks like.
Nitro continues the attack on Jeff while Mercury pulls Matt off the apron. MNM tries to double sling shot Jeff into the turnbuckle again, which of course means that Jeff transitions this into the whisper of the wind. Matt is FINALLY tagged in and cleans house. Matt hits the side effect on both members of MNM and nearly pins Nitro. Matt hits the off the ropes leg drop, but Nitro kicks out! Jeff tags in and goes for a powerbomb off the ropes, but Mercury stops them and inventively flips Jeff onto the mat. I’m adding a ½* for that spot alone. Matt and Jeff set Mercury and Nitro up on opposite turnbuckles for superplexes. Jeff gets a cover, but Melina is on the apron for a distraction. Jeff angrily confronts her, and Nitro accidentally drop kicks Melina off the apron. Jeff gets a very close roll-up. MNM hit the snap shot on Jeff, and Matt just barely breaks up the following cover attempt. MNM plant Jeff on the turnbuckles and try to hit a super snap shot! Matt makes the save and hits a double neck breaker off the top! Jeff hits a Swanton on both members of MNM and finally gets the pinfall victory at 22:23! This match had some very inventive spots, but also some really dead and boring spots. I would say **1/2, but I have to factor in that ½* I promised, so **3/4. No hot pokers necessary here.
Winners: The Hardy Boyz
Backstage, Rob Van Dam cuts a promo putting over the extreme elimination chamber match. RVD knows he might not walk out of the match, but the risks are worth the prize: the ECW title.
Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney
Vince gets five hot pokers for booking Mahoney in a non extreme rules match on pay-per-view. Before the match, Striker takes the microphone and puts himself over to some surprisingly potent heat from the crowd. Striker announces that his opponent is Mahoney, which the crowd is pleased to hear. Striker then puts over the extreme elimination chamber match too. Striker feels like he owes it to the crowd to restore order in a violent society. Striker teases making the match extreme rules, but swerves it into being fought under extreme enforcement of the rules. That’s right, give the crowd something else to be angry about. No hot pokers, since this was one of the better Striker promos I have heard.
Striker names his own rules for the match, including “no profanity.” Striker also has his own face on the back of his tights. That is extreme, man. Tazz and Styles have some good times making fun of this. Mahoney goes for Striker’s leg, but Striker gets a rope break. They tie up and Mahoney takes control after some running around. Mahoney gets an arm toss and locks his legs around Striker. Striker breaks free and hides in the ropes. They tease a tie up again, but Striker aggressively strikes Mahoney instead. Striker dodges a rampaging Mahoney, causing him to plummet shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Striker goes to work on the arm. A “Striker sucks” chant breaks out, while the arm attacks continue. Mahoney rolls Striker into a cover attempt, but Striker kicks out and goes back on the arm attack. The crowd threatens to turn on this match if things don’t pick up soon. Mahoney tries to mount a come back with some punches, and a side walk slam. Mahoney gets a near fall and goes high risk. Striker shakes the ropes, and Mahoney plummets to the mat. Striker rolls into an armbar. Mahoney almost taps, but gets into the ropes. Mahoney mounts another come back with his specialty punches and back body drop. The crowd is polite enough to chant around with the punches. Mahoney gets a sit-down power bomb for the victory at 7:22 after Striker teased a comeback! This match felt like a glorified Heat match, but Striker showed some good stuff with his vicious arm attacks, *1/4.
Winner: Balls Mahoney
Backstage, CM Punk is getting pumped up for the elimination chamber. He doesn’t say anything, just throwing punches. Three hot pokers for not playing to Punk’s strengths.
Elsewhere, Sabu has been found pummeled. Paul Heyman takes him out of the main event. 20 hot pokers for waiting until after the show started before removing Sabu from the match, and another 20 hot pokers for replacing him with Hardcore Holly. The crowd chants “bullshit” and I couldn’t agree more.
Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke vs. The FBI (with Trinity)
Terkay was released almost immediately after this show. Burke takes the microphone before the match and puts himself over. Like a wild animal in heat, they will leave their mark on ECW. Two hot pokers for that stupid comment. The FBI make their entrance, and Tazz is drooling over Trinity now.
Burke starts with Little Guido and they do a little chain wrestling. Little Guido steals Burke’s obnoxious hat and puts it on himself. Now that’s entertainment! Mamaluke tags in and goes for the side headlock. This transitions into some arm wrenching, and a tag to Guido. The FBI double teams Burke and Guido tries a cover. Burke manages to fight his way to Terkay and makes the tag. The FBI are more or less dead now, as Terkay is a manbearpig. Terkay methodically slugs away on Mamaluke, but misses a splash into the corner. Guido tags in and goes for a crossbody, but Terkay catches him. While holding Guido, he kicks Mamaluke with a big boot, and throws Guido at him over the ropes. This earns a “you still suck” chant. The tag is made to Burke, who gets an upper cut and then the reverse chin lock on Guido. Guido tries to fight back, and gets sent flying into Terkay’s corner. Guido quickly strikes at both men, but Terkay knocks him down. The crowd chants “FBI” as Guido suffers some double team shots. Burke hits a nice clothesline and a legsweep. Mamaluke interrupts a cover, but Burke goes for the headlock. Tag is made to Mamaluke, who hits a couple of drop kicks and a flying forearm. Terkay enters, and gets drop kicked by both FBI members into the knees. Burke suffers a double flap jack, and Mamaluke goes for the cover. Burke barely kicked out. Terkay pulls Guido out of the ring, meanwhile Burke drops Mamaluke into Terkay’s elbow and hits “The Elijah Express” for the win at 6:41. This was actually decent, as Burke and the FBI looked promising. Terkay was inoffensive, but this felt like another glorified Heat match, *1/2. Five hot pokers for the lack of extreme rules.
Winners: Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke
After the match, Terkay hits a muscle buster on Mamaluke as one fan chants “TNA.”
Backstage, Sabu is being loaded into an ambulance. CM Punk and Rob Van Dam watch in concern.
Daivari (with The Great Khali) vs. Tommy Dreamer
Daivari continues the trend of the evening of having the heel cut a prematch promo. Daivari is speaking Arabic, which still makes more sense than Khali’s English. Five hot pokers simply for Khali’s mere presence. Dreamer makes his entrance, and he looks legitimately grumpy. I can’t say I blame him.
The fans are chanting “extreme rules” and “ECW” but they are in for another disappointment. 10 hot pokers for continuing to upset this crowd. They tie up, and Daivari immediately takes control. Dreamer reverses and Irish whip, so Daivari escapes to ringside. Daivari sneaks back in and aggressively assaults Dreamer. Dreamer hits an arm drag, sending Daivari to ringside for another breather. Daivari charges, but Dreamer drop toe holds him to the mat. Daivari rakes the eyes and hits a drop kick. Dreamer falls to ringside and eats a baseball slide. Dreamer reverses an Irish whip and sends Daivari into the barricade. Khali helps Daivari up, so this thrilling bout can continue. Back in the ring, Dreamer hits a suplex and runs into the ropes, but Khali pulls the ropes, causing Dreamer to crash to the floor. The referee kicks Khali out of the arena. The match restarts with Daivari hitting some basic offense. The crowd is chanting “we want hardcore.” I can’t help but think the Vince interpreted that chant as the crowd wanting Bob Holly.
Daivari has a headlock on Dreamer, because this match really needed a rest hold. Dreamer fights out, but that crafty Daivari continues with the generic offense and another rest hold. The crowd is chanting “fuck him up, Dreamer.” Daivari gets a sleeper in and the crowd is absolutely shitting on this now. They were patient up until now, I give them credit for that. 30 hot pokers just for the hell of it. Dreamer drops Daivari back to the mat, and both men are down. They trade shots while standing up, with Dreamer winning the exchange. Dreamer hits a back body drop and a scoop slam. Dreamer hits an inverted DDT and gets a close fall. Dreamer goes for the Dreamer Driver, but Daivari goes for the eyes and escapes. Daivari climbs up top, but Dreamer follows, only to get knocked down. Daivari misses a flying cross body. Dreamer places Daivari in the tree of woe and the crowd wakes up. Dreamer hits a drop kick to the head. Daivari almost immediately comes back with a roll up and pulls on the tights for the victory at 7:23! The crowd did not like that one single bit. 50 hot pokers for continuing to piss off an already angry crowd and DUD.
Winner: Daivari
After the match, Khali reemerges and hits the double Chokeslam on Dreamer right onto the stage. Something the WWE does not seem to realize is that if they wanted the new ECW to work, they needed to treat the ECW originals like stars, even if they weren’t in the larger scaled of the WWE. Treating Dreamer like a jobber only pisses off the old ECW fans and makes the new fans wonder why Dreamer was such a big deal in the first place. 50 more hot pokers for using Dreamer to put over Daivari and Khali, both of which would be shipped to the other brands soon after.
We are treated to some hype for See No Evil. 50 hot pokers for using the brand that is supposed to be rebellious against all things WWE to promote a WWE movie.
Backstage, Paul Heyman is wandering around. He finds Hardcore Holly and officially puts him into the main event as an attempt to do “what is best for ECW.” 15 hot pokers for making Heyman say such a crock of shit. The crowd is pissed off that Holly is in the main event.
Mike Knox and Kelly Kelly vs. Kevin Thorn and Ariel
Kelly takes the microphone before the match and wishes CM Punk good luck in the extreme elimination chamber. Knox is not pleased with this, and a great “CM Punk” chant breaks out. Thorn and Ariel have an awesome entrance, thought I’d mention that. I actually enjoy the entire vampirism gimmick, I just wish that they’d given Thorn a more bad-ass name. Imagine if in 1998, the Brood had consisted of David Fang, Adam Edge, and Christian Cage? Well, the last part kind of stuck, but sue me.
Knox and Thorn kick the match off, while Tazz and Styles speculate about “bite clubs.” They tie up and shove each other off. Knox misses a clothesline and Thorn fires away with some shots. Thorn whips Knox into an elbow and stomps away at the back. Knox pulls Thorn by the hair and hits a great looking lariat clothesline. Knox angrily punches away at Thorn. This doesn’t last, as Thorn comes back with a clothesline. The crowd is dead, but at least they aren’t openly booing. Thorn beats Knox into the corner and is pulled off by the ref. This seemingly turned Ariel on. Knox comes back with a snapmare, but is unable to keep long term control. He does hit a big boot and gets a near fall. Knox goes for a sleeper, because we haven’t seen enough of those tonight. 15 hot pokers just for the boring nature of these matches. Thorn pushes Knox into his corner while trapped in the head lock and tags in Ariel. Knox reluctantly tags in Kelly. Ariel dominates Kelly right away. Kelly is totally inexperienced, so they are limited in what they can do. Ariel tries to cover by stomping, punching, and choking. Kelly tries to make the tag to Knox, but Ariel keeps up the attack. Kelly kicks Ariel off of her, but Knox decides he’d rather not make the tag and walks off. Ariel finishes Kelly with a legsweep for the victory at 7:43. This was horrible, but at least something significant happened, ¼*. Unfortunately, this match didn’t do any favors for any of the participants.
Winners: Kevin Thorn and Ariel
After the match, Ariel keeps attacking Kelly, but The Sandman makes an unscheduled appearance. 25 hot pokers for not booking Sandman in a match. The crowd is happy to see Sandman, who has a kendo stick in hand. Sandman unleashes his fury on Thorn, and the crowd comes alive at the sight of some actual violence!
Backstage, Michael Cole is pimping Smackdown’s pay-per-view, Armageddon. 10 hot pokers for this blatant shilling, and for holding so many pay-per-views in such a short amount of time. And to think, the WWE actually are confused as to why the buyrates to all of those late 2006 shows were so pathetic.
Backstage, some random diva is standing by with Bobby Lashley. They take a look back at Lashley’s match against the Big Show from a couple weeks ago. The match ended when Heyman orchestrated a beat down on Lashley, thanks to Test and Show. 15 hot pokers for giving Lashley mic time. Lashley doesn’t give a damn what Heyman throws at him, because nothing can stop him. He is one man with one mission, and that’s to be the ECW World Champion.
That’s right, it is time for the main event after only about an hour and a half. 30 hot pokers for holding such a short pay-per-view, this was barely longer than one of those old TNA weekly shows.
ECW World Championship:
Extreme Elimination Chamber
Big Show © vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Bobby Lashley vs. CM Punk vs. Test
Rob Van Dam and Hardcore Holly are the first two in the match. RVD takes control with his trademark offense, until running into a clothesline. Holly tries to pin RVD in the early going. Holly kicks away, but RVD fires back with some punches. The action spills over the ropes into the steel area. RVD leaps off the ropes but misses Holly. RVD bounces off the cage but misses Holly again, landing in the ropes. Holly rams RVD head first into the cage, and the crowd is actually enjoying this. Holly slams RVD onto the steel and climbs the turnbuckle. RVD gets a boot to the face of an incoming Holly, in a seriously contrived spot. RVD then hits a rolling thunder over the ropes onto Holly on the steel. RVD should really participate in more of these matches. Holly reverses a suplex and drops RVD back into the ring. Holly goes for a cover, but RVD is still alive. Holly soon hits a big drop kick and goes for another cover.
The first man out of the chamber is CM Punk, who immediately throws a chair at Holly and springboards off the ropes into RVD. Punk tosses the chair at RVD, who catches it and throws it right back at him. RVD then sloppily monkey flips Punk onto the chair. Punk then dodges some kicks from RVD and leg drops him onto the chair. Punk is in control of RVD, hitting some elbow shots and driving his head into a chair positioned in the ropes. Punk goes for a head scissors on Holly on the steel, but Holly catches him and swings him into the cage! Big “CM Punk” chant from the fans, as Holly dominates him. Holly plants Punk gut first on the ropes and kicks him in the head. Holly sets Punk up on the top rope and chops him. Holly hits a big superplex. RVD goes for the cover on Punk, who kicks out. That would have been really lame. Holly goes for a cover too, but Punk kicks out again. Punk reverses an Irish whip on Holly, and goes for a bull dog but gets kicked in the face by RVD. Test is the next man in the match.
Test has a weapon and goes straight to rubbing it in RVD’s face. Test then chokes the life out of Punk. The weapon appears to be a cane. Test goes back to Punk, who surprises him with a stunner. RVD is meanwhile battling Holly, but takes a moment to hit Test with a chair. RVD then drop kicks the chair right onto CM Punk’s face! RVD goes top rope and hits the five star frog splash and eliminates CM Punk at 12:22. 15 hot pokers up the ass for making Punk the first elimination. Test big boots Holly and almost pins him. Actually, it counted as an elimination, even though Holly appeared to kick out. So, Holly is eliminated at 12:40. That was pointless, let’s give another 10 hot pokers to Vince’s ass. RVD climbs to the top and hits a flying kick on Test. RVD goes for the five star frog splash again, this time on top of Big Show’s chamber. Show grabs RVD through the ceiling, allowing Test to climb up and hit RVD with a chair. Test drops RVD to the mat and places the chair on top of him. Test climbs to the top of Show’s chamber and hits a HUGE flying elbow! That was awesome! Test then eliminates Rob Van Dam at 13:58, which is awful booking, 25 hot pokers for that. It would have been more, if Test’s elbow drop had not been awesome. The crowd is pissed off, and rightfully so. They eliminated Punk and RVD only so that they wouldn’t get more crowd support than Lashley, and if that was the case than 50 hot pokers for Lashley being in this match in the first place.
Lashley joins the match, but Heyman’s cronies prevent the official from opening his chamber. Test taunts him from outside, so Lashley grabs the table in the chamber and uses it to break through the ceiling. Test climbs up to meet him, but gets kicked down. Lashley hits a flying clothesline off the turnbuckle. Lashley dominates Test, throwing him into the cage walls. The action spills back into the ring, where Test regains control, choking Lashley with his boot. Test takes a chair, but Lashley kicks it into his head. Lashley hits a series of clotheslines, as the crowd boos. Lashley connects with a snap suplex and dodges a chair shot. Lashley spears Test and eliminates him at 19:38. The crowd is not happy with how this match is turning out. There is still more than a minute before Big Show enters the ring, so he takes advice from a screaming Paul Heyman at ringside. Lashley prepares for Show by getting the table out of his chamber. The minute goes by really slowly, and Lashley throws a chair at Show’s chamber to try and keep things interesting.
Big Show finally enters the match, and is yielding a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Show swings the bat, but Lashley blocks it with the chair. Show gets the bat stuck in the cage, allowing Lashley to get a chair shot in. Lashley rams Show’s head into the steel and poses to a great amount of jeers from the jaded fans. Lashley then whips Big Show into the bullet proof glass chamber, shattering it. Lashley violently pursues Show, who is bleeding now. Lashley is then tossed over the ropes into the ring. Show hits a clothesline and signals the Chokeslam. Lashley blocks the Chokeslam and hits a DDT. They trade shots until Show pushes Lashley into the corner. Lashley then runs into Show’s arms, but escapes a slam. Lashley hits a big spear for the win at 24:41 and becomes the ECW World Champion! This definitely gets a mixed reaction from the fans. I’m watching this with Spanish commentary on, so I’m sure I’m missing some awesome crowd chants, but oh well. 25 hot pokers for Lashley winning the ECW title about two weeks after joining the brand, an extra 30 hot pokers for eliminating RVD and Punk so quickly, and 50 pokers for making Big Show’s final pay-per-view match before retirement go down this way. Aside from the bad taste of the booking here, the match was pretty solid, had some great spots involving the chamber, and kept a good pace, **3/4.
Winner and new ECW World Champion: Bobby Lashley
Final Thoughts: Reviewing this show has given me a headache. This pay-per-view is a study in awfulness. It was like Vince and company wanted this show to fail in the worst way possible. From removing Sabu from the main event, to rubbing it in the fans faces that the midcard matches weren’t extreme rules, to eliminating RVD and Punk because they knew they would be favored over Lashley, to having the show just barely reach the two hour mark, I don’t even know how to begin to comprehend how anyone backstage at WWE thought this show was a good idea. If this wasn’t blatant sabotage, then Vince is really out of his mind.
What is even more amazing is that Vince thinks the tactic of only announcing two matches beforehand was a good idea and that it will be used for other brand pay-per-views in the future. I really hope the abysmal buyrate of 90,000 snapped him out of that mindset.
Finally, they had SIX MONTHS to build this show after One Night Stand. And what did they do with those six months? Did they develop meaningful feuds and push a strong midcard? No, they jobbed the ECW originals to guys who weren’t going to get over anyway, and had frequent guest stars from Raw and Smackdown to try and boost ratings. The few feuds they did have going (RVD vs. Show, Punk vs. Knox) were basically forgotten about. The devolution of ECW from One Night Stand to December to Dismember is remarkable and a study of how NOT to run a wrestling show.
Thumbs down about as far as possible.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The current Wrestlemania 25 card.
We're still a couple of weeks away from Wrestlemania 25, but I thought I'd take a minute to look at what's already announced, what will likely be added to the card, and some predictions.
WWE Championship: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton
At one point this match was supposed to main event Wrestlemania 21, but Orton was fizzling at that point (and while no one would admit it, Triple H was at a low point as far as being an effective main eventer went, and needed someone who was hot at the time, like Batista, to make it work). I expect this match will be the show closer and will likely be good. My only problem with it is that we've seen Orton vs. Triple H several times, many of which in the last year and a half. Their previous matches have ranged from highly enjoyable (street fight at No Mercy 2007) to grating (Unforgiven 2004), but Orton has come a long way as a performer and Triple H is a reliable ring hand when he's motivated and has his working boots on. As per usual with my predictions, I predict Triple H retains if this goes on last, but Orton will win if this pulls a middle of the show position.
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge (c) vs. Big Show vs. John Cena
I am actually a bit relieved that Show was added to the match since Cena/Edge is another pairing that has happened numerous times, probably too often to have been an attractive Wrestlemania showdown. Show adds a wild card to the match, and while he more than likely isn't going to take the championship, adds another element to the storyline. It's been entertaining watching Vickie become torn between the two heels, and in many ways this is really just their storyline now, with Cena thrown in merely to make sure the crowd doesn't lose interest. The aspect that this match probably won't be headlining makes me think that Edge could retain, sort of how Orton won the triple threat WWE title match last year. It's up in the air whether or not Cena needs to take the championship, since the draft will take place so quickly after Wrestlemania, so if Raw doesn't have a World title then there's an easy solution.
Money in the Bank Ladder match: CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. Christian vs. Finlay vs. Kofi Kingston vs. MVP vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane
It'll be a beautiful day when CM Punk and Shelton Benjamin are given the chance to do something else at Wrestlemania than make sure this match is a success, but at least they get to be on the big show. There's really no telling who is going to take the brief case this year. Punk just won it last year, Henry seems to have peaked in his current role, Vince doesn't want to push Christian, Finlay is a JTTS, Kingston probably isn't ready, MVP just got off a months long jobbing streak, and Benjamin is only here to provide some high spots. That leaves Kane, since he's continually over and every couple of months the booking team gets the itch to push him as a title threat again. I'm going to go out on a limb and predict Kane as the winner. Also, the participants this year are varied enough so we'll see a different type of Ladder match, as obviously you won't see Mark Henry doing sunset flips over the ladder, etc.
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy
To be honest, I haven't been keeping up with Smackdown, so I can't really judge how the build is going. Jeff Hardy has been one of the hottest WWE stars over the past two years and Matt's betrayal will be a sore spot to many of the younger fans. I am hoping that this will end up being a quality match, as both Hardy's have grown as performers since their stinker of a feud in late 2001. That feud was so disasterous that the Hardys actually had to spend some time off television so that their image could recover. But now in 2009, I consider Matt to be one of the most underrated stars on the roster due to his ability to have strong matches with everyone he's paired against, and Jeff is a much more well rounded performer who had a string of quality main event matches in the last year. Having a great match against each other at Wrestlemania would do a lot for both of them. I predict that Jeff goes over, unless the dreaded Wellness Policy fairy strikes again.
The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels
This feels awful thrown together and forced thus far. I like that Shawn Michaels isn't going through the tired motions of being terrified of all the Undertaker's light and pyro tricks and special effects, though it would be more interesting if someone they were trying to build up could do that. I would be a lot more interested if Shawn would go full blown heel, even if it was temporary (similar to what he did against Hogan in 2005) because no one is going to boo The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. With a little luck, they can achieve the same chemistry and work-rate they found in their famed Hell in a Cell match from 1997 and the intense heat of their finals encounter at the 2007 Royal Rumble. Obviously, the Undertaker will go over.
Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, and Jimmy Snuka
Well, this is definitely not the direction anyone expected them to go with Jericho's kicking-legends-in-the-shin angle. I'm guessing this is a last minute rehandling of the feud because a certain Texas Rattlesnake decided he didn't want to wrestle after all, and another certain Best Actor runner up didn't want to cheapen his movie by actually wrestling for real. The match will probably not be any good from a work-rate standpoint, but these four are smart enough to put something together that will at least be entertaining. My prediction is that Jericho comes up short when Ric Flair gets involved.
25 Diva Battle Royal
Every diva in the company will participate, and WWE is trying their darndest to get former divas to return for one night. So far we know that Wendi Richter and Lita aren't interested, so hopefully they can pull in Trish Stratus, Sunny, Molly Holly, Jazz, Ivory, and a host of others to give this the right level of novelty. No championships are on the line, but the winner will be named Ms. Wrestlemania. To be honest, I prefer they go this route then having potentially two women's championship matches, since I can count the number of talented in-ring competitors on one hand.
So those are the official matches. They haven't done a terrible job of getting most of the workers who deserve to be on the show on the card so far. The rumored JBL/Rey Mysterio match for the Intercontinental Championship was teased on this week's Raw by the commentators around the time Rey was done making short work of Dolph Ziggler. That would be a fine addition to the card as they have had enjoyable matches in the past, and it's great to see the IC title getting defended on Wrestlemania for the first time since Wrestlemania X8 in 2002. We should also expect that John Morrison and The Miz will battle Carlito and Primo Colon. I would hope that their match could be a unification match, and that we can go back to only having one set of tag team champions. By having the Tag Team titles as property of ECW, it gives the champions the freedom to face teams on both Raw and Smackdown, and there are barely enough teams on all three brands to justify having Tag Team belts in the first place. Finally, I would expect that Jack Swagger will be added in an ECW Championship defense. I would predict that they are going to want to capitalize on the returning Matt Bourne, and he will be getting a title shot. It would be nice if they could include Tommy Dreamer somehow, since this will likely be his final chance to be on Wrestlemania as an active competitor. If it were up to me, it would be Swagger, Bourne, and Dreamer in a triple threat.
WWE Championship: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton
At one point this match was supposed to main event Wrestlemania 21, but Orton was fizzling at that point (and while no one would admit it, Triple H was at a low point as far as being an effective main eventer went, and needed someone who was hot at the time, like Batista, to make it work). I expect this match will be the show closer and will likely be good. My only problem with it is that we've seen Orton vs. Triple H several times, many of which in the last year and a half. Their previous matches have ranged from highly enjoyable (street fight at No Mercy 2007) to grating (Unforgiven 2004), but Orton has come a long way as a performer and Triple H is a reliable ring hand when he's motivated and has his working boots on. As per usual with my predictions, I predict Triple H retains if this goes on last, but Orton will win if this pulls a middle of the show position.
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge (c) vs. Big Show vs. John Cena
I am actually a bit relieved that Show was added to the match since Cena/Edge is another pairing that has happened numerous times, probably too often to have been an attractive Wrestlemania showdown. Show adds a wild card to the match, and while he more than likely isn't going to take the championship, adds another element to the storyline. It's been entertaining watching Vickie become torn between the two heels, and in many ways this is really just their storyline now, with Cena thrown in merely to make sure the crowd doesn't lose interest. The aspect that this match probably won't be headlining makes me think that Edge could retain, sort of how Orton won the triple threat WWE title match last year. It's up in the air whether or not Cena needs to take the championship, since the draft will take place so quickly after Wrestlemania, so if Raw doesn't have a World title then there's an easy solution.
Money in the Bank Ladder match: CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. Christian vs. Finlay vs. Kofi Kingston vs. MVP vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane
It'll be a beautiful day when CM Punk and Shelton Benjamin are given the chance to do something else at Wrestlemania than make sure this match is a success, but at least they get to be on the big show. There's really no telling who is going to take the brief case this year. Punk just won it last year, Henry seems to have peaked in his current role, Vince doesn't want to push Christian, Finlay is a JTTS, Kingston probably isn't ready, MVP just got off a months long jobbing streak, and Benjamin is only here to provide some high spots. That leaves Kane, since he's continually over and every couple of months the booking team gets the itch to push him as a title threat again. I'm going to go out on a limb and predict Kane as the winner. Also, the participants this year are varied enough so we'll see a different type of Ladder match, as obviously you won't see Mark Henry doing sunset flips over the ladder, etc.
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy
To be honest, I haven't been keeping up with Smackdown, so I can't really judge how the build is going. Jeff Hardy has been one of the hottest WWE stars over the past two years and Matt's betrayal will be a sore spot to many of the younger fans. I am hoping that this will end up being a quality match, as both Hardy's have grown as performers since their stinker of a feud in late 2001. That feud was so disasterous that the Hardys actually had to spend some time off television so that their image could recover. But now in 2009, I consider Matt to be one of the most underrated stars on the roster due to his ability to have strong matches with everyone he's paired against, and Jeff is a much more well rounded performer who had a string of quality main event matches in the last year. Having a great match against each other at Wrestlemania would do a lot for both of them. I predict that Jeff goes over, unless the dreaded Wellness Policy fairy strikes again.
The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels
This feels awful thrown together and forced thus far. I like that Shawn Michaels isn't going through the tired motions of being terrified of all the Undertaker's light and pyro tricks and special effects, though it would be more interesting if someone they were trying to build up could do that. I would be a lot more interested if Shawn would go full blown heel, even if it was temporary (similar to what he did against Hogan in 2005) because no one is going to boo The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. With a little luck, they can achieve the same chemistry and work-rate they found in their famed Hell in a Cell match from 1997 and the intense heat of their finals encounter at the 2007 Royal Rumble. Obviously, the Undertaker will go over.
Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, and Jimmy Snuka
Well, this is definitely not the direction anyone expected them to go with Jericho's kicking-legends-in-the-shin angle. I'm guessing this is a last minute rehandling of the feud because a certain Texas Rattlesnake decided he didn't want to wrestle after all, and another certain Best Actor runner up didn't want to cheapen his movie by actually wrestling for real. The match will probably not be any good from a work-rate standpoint, but these four are smart enough to put something together that will at least be entertaining. My prediction is that Jericho comes up short when Ric Flair gets involved.
25 Diva Battle Royal
Every diva in the company will participate, and WWE is trying their darndest to get former divas to return for one night. So far we know that Wendi Richter and Lita aren't interested, so hopefully they can pull in Trish Stratus, Sunny, Molly Holly, Jazz, Ivory, and a host of others to give this the right level of novelty. No championships are on the line, but the winner will be named Ms. Wrestlemania. To be honest, I prefer they go this route then having potentially two women's championship matches, since I can count the number of talented in-ring competitors on one hand.
So those are the official matches. They haven't done a terrible job of getting most of the workers who deserve to be on the show on the card so far. The rumored JBL/Rey Mysterio match for the Intercontinental Championship was teased on this week's Raw by the commentators around the time Rey was done making short work of Dolph Ziggler. That would be a fine addition to the card as they have had enjoyable matches in the past, and it's great to see the IC title getting defended on Wrestlemania for the first time since Wrestlemania X8 in 2002. We should also expect that John Morrison and The Miz will battle Carlito and Primo Colon. I would hope that their match could be a unification match, and that we can go back to only having one set of tag team champions. By having the Tag Team titles as property of ECW, it gives the champions the freedom to face teams on both Raw and Smackdown, and there are barely enough teams on all three brands to justify having Tag Team belts in the first place. Finally, I would expect that Jack Swagger will be added in an ECW Championship defense. I would predict that they are going to want to capitalize on the returning Matt Bourne, and he will be getting a title shot. It would be nice if they could include Tommy Dreamer somehow, since this will likely be his final chance to be on Wrestlemania as an active competitor. If it were up to me, it would be Swagger, Bourne, and Dreamer in a triple threat.
Monday, April 14, 2008
The week of awesome!
April 8th-13th was a hell of a week. I know it might not seem like a big deal to some (especially those who were in Orlando for Wrestlemania weekend) but I managed to take in a WWE, ROH, and TNA event all in the same week.
On Tuesday, April 8th I went to the Smackdown/ECW tapings at TD Banknorth Garden in Boston, MA. This was an enjoyable experience. We got a nice dark match out of Jamie Noble vs. Kenny Dykstra. The crowd was hot for Noble, since he was the first babyface of the evening, and they worked a decent, albeit cookie cutter, bout. Noble went over.
ECW was a good show. The show opened with a very strong CM Punk/Miz match. It's funny to me that only within the last year some people were labeling Miz among the worst workers in WWE, and now he's developed into a strong midcard talent. There was no carry job by Punk here, it was just an all around good television match, clocking in around the *** mark.
Chavo Guerrero and Kane had their contract signing for Backlash. This was entertaining, and of course you can never appreciate Kane's pyro until it's blinded you in person. We also got to see the debut of Bam Neely, as he's Chavo's most recent crony. Chavo's frog splash onto Kane on the contract table was a sight to see, especially the brutal landing (Chavo's head and upper body hit the mat in a rather sickening way). This was by far the most "extreme" that the ECW broadcast got. Then again, complaining about how the current ECW really isn't ECW is just about as productive as tearing apart Michael Bay's Transformers for not being like the cartoon, so I digress.
Elijah Burke beat Nunzio in a short match. Not much to talk about here, I was excited to see Burke, but he didn't really do anything overly impressive here. They were still clearing the ring from the contract signing during Nunzio's entrance, and he acted all bossy, telling the crew to clear it faster for him, which was pretty funny.
Kofi Kingston beat Domino in another short match, which got enough time as to keep it from being classified as a complete squash. This was probably the most I've ever enjoyed Domino, as he turned in a good, aggressive performance. Kingston was pretty over with the live audience too, and he didn't botch half as many spots as I expected he would. If they play their cards right, there is no reason for Kingston to not become a big star (then again, he just might become another Carlito).
Main event was Tommy Dreamer vs. Colin Delaney. Dreamer's spot on the roster was on the line, as was a job for Colin. This was a decent match that was slightly more memorable thanks to the stipulation. It was nice to see Dreamer featured in such a prominent role.
Other side note, this would turn out to be the last episode with Joey Styles on commentary. The next week, we'd get the classic hilarity of Mike Adamle and his confusion.
Up next the referees came to the ring and changed the apron and ropes for Smackdown. The first segment was The Great Khali's "peace offerings" for Big Show. This included a live chicken and a goat. Somehow, my "goat of the year" chant didn't catch on. This was the most entertaining thing Khali has ever been a part of, and it was also the most over I've ever seen Big Show with a live crowd (and I've seen Big Show at numerous events). That Mayweather feud really did him a lot of favors.
John Morrison and The Miz beat Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore in a non-title match. My annoyance here was that if Morrison and Miz were going over anyhow, why not put the titles on the line? Anyhow, this was another solid match. The Miz really showed me a lot at this taping, as he turned in that good performance against CM Punk and then came out later and worked a second good match. And to think, just this time last year a lot of people regarded him as one of the worst workers on the roster.
Finlay (with Hornswoggle) beat Matt Striker. This was a comedy match, and was entertaining for what it was.
Victoria introduced Nattie Neidhart as "Natalya." This was a personal treat, as I've been a fan of Nattie's SHIMMER work for a while. This lead to a match pitting Victoria against Michelle McCool (who I also have a soft spot for). The match was your typical divas affair, but was suitable. Victoria is a solid hand, and Michelle is one of those diva search types who actually tries very hard to become competent in the ring.
Shawn Michaels and Batista faced off verbally in the ring. This was a fun segment, as Batista called Michaels out on the bullshit in his past. I must say, this feud is awesome, and is the best thing Batista has been a part of since his feud with Triple H. I really hope their Backlash match can deliver.
Vladimir Kozlov demolished Matt Logan. Kozlov fucked up his entrance by coming out too early and had to redo it. He's basically worthless too, this segment was dead.
Matt Hardy beat Chuck Palumbo in a solid match. It got a lot of time, and might have come off better on television, but was merely solid in the arena. MVP was on commentary for this one too. It was fun watching the set crew blow up his entrance tent.
There were "Undertaker" chants the entire night. A lot of fans had one track minds and really just seemed concerned with the Dead Man. Also, there were a series of vignettes of Vickie Guerrero and Edge out on a romantic evening (getting massages, naked in bed together).
The Undertaker beat Festus in an entertaining match. This worked because Festus is simply not allowed to act intimidated, so he gave Taker an all-out fight. If they were to build Festus up, they could really make a compelling feud out of that aspect. I know they won't, so in the mean time I'll just hope Jesse and Festus can get a run with the tag titles.
After the show, Edge and his buddies jumped Undertaker, which lead to Kane, Big Show, and Batista making the save. Just a fun run-in festival to top off the show.
So this is a really long post, so I'll have to add my ROH and Lockdown responses later on.
On Tuesday, April 8th I went to the Smackdown/ECW tapings at TD Banknorth Garden in Boston, MA. This was an enjoyable experience. We got a nice dark match out of Jamie Noble vs. Kenny Dykstra. The crowd was hot for Noble, since he was the first babyface of the evening, and they worked a decent, albeit cookie cutter, bout. Noble went over.
ECW was a good show. The show opened with a very strong CM Punk/Miz match. It's funny to me that only within the last year some people were labeling Miz among the worst workers in WWE, and now he's developed into a strong midcard talent. There was no carry job by Punk here, it was just an all around good television match, clocking in around the *** mark.
Chavo Guerrero and Kane had their contract signing for Backlash. This was entertaining, and of course you can never appreciate Kane's pyro until it's blinded you in person. We also got to see the debut of Bam Neely, as he's Chavo's most recent crony. Chavo's frog splash onto Kane on the contract table was a sight to see, especially the brutal landing (Chavo's head and upper body hit the mat in a rather sickening way). This was by far the most "extreme" that the ECW broadcast got. Then again, complaining about how the current ECW really isn't ECW is just about as productive as tearing apart Michael Bay's Transformers for not being like the cartoon, so I digress.
Elijah Burke beat Nunzio in a short match. Not much to talk about here, I was excited to see Burke, but he didn't really do anything overly impressive here. They were still clearing the ring from the contract signing during Nunzio's entrance, and he acted all bossy, telling the crew to clear it faster for him, which was pretty funny.
Kofi Kingston beat Domino in another short match, which got enough time as to keep it from being classified as a complete squash. This was probably the most I've ever enjoyed Domino, as he turned in a good, aggressive performance. Kingston was pretty over with the live audience too, and he didn't botch half as many spots as I expected he would. If they play their cards right, there is no reason for Kingston to not become a big star (then again, he just might become another Carlito).
Main event was Tommy Dreamer vs. Colin Delaney. Dreamer's spot on the roster was on the line, as was a job for Colin. This was a decent match that was slightly more memorable thanks to the stipulation. It was nice to see Dreamer featured in such a prominent role.
Other side note, this would turn out to be the last episode with Joey Styles on commentary. The next week, we'd get the classic hilarity of Mike Adamle and his confusion.
Up next the referees came to the ring and changed the apron and ropes for Smackdown. The first segment was The Great Khali's "peace offerings" for Big Show. This included a live chicken and a goat. Somehow, my "goat of the year" chant didn't catch on. This was the most entertaining thing Khali has ever been a part of, and it was also the most over I've ever seen Big Show with a live crowd (and I've seen Big Show at numerous events). That Mayweather feud really did him a lot of favors.
John Morrison and The Miz beat Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore in a non-title match. My annoyance here was that if Morrison and Miz were going over anyhow, why not put the titles on the line? Anyhow, this was another solid match. The Miz really showed me a lot at this taping, as he turned in that good performance against CM Punk and then came out later and worked a second good match. And to think, just this time last year a lot of people regarded him as one of the worst workers on the roster.
Finlay (with Hornswoggle) beat Matt Striker. This was a comedy match, and was entertaining for what it was.
Victoria introduced Nattie Neidhart as "Natalya." This was a personal treat, as I've been a fan of Nattie's SHIMMER work for a while. This lead to a match pitting Victoria against Michelle McCool (who I also have a soft spot for). The match was your typical divas affair, but was suitable. Victoria is a solid hand, and Michelle is one of those diva search types who actually tries very hard to become competent in the ring.
Shawn Michaels and Batista faced off verbally in the ring. This was a fun segment, as Batista called Michaels out on the bullshit in his past. I must say, this feud is awesome, and is the best thing Batista has been a part of since his feud with Triple H. I really hope their Backlash match can deliver.
Vladimir Kozlov demolished Matt Logan. Kozlov fucked up his entrance by coming out too early and had to redo it. He's basically worthless too, this segment was dead.
Matt Hardy beat Chuck Palumbo in a solid match. It got a lot of time, and might have come off better on television, but was merely solid in the arena. MVP was on commentary for this one too. It was fun watching the set crew blow up his entrance tent.
There were "Undertaker" chants the entire night. A lot of fans had one track minds and really just seemed concerned with the Dead Man. Also, there were a series of vignettes of Vickie Guerrero and Edge out on a romantic evening (getting massages, naked in bed together).
The Undertaker beat Festus in an entertaining match. This worked because Festus is simply not allowed to act intimidated, so he gave Taker an all-out fight. If they were to build Festus up, they could really make a compelling feud out of that aspect. I know they won't, so in the mean time I'll just hope Jesse and Festus can get a run with the tag titles.
After the show, Edge and his buddies jumped Undertaker, which lead to Kane, Big Show, and Batista making the save. Just a fun run-in festival to top off the show.
So this is a really long post, so I'll have to add my ROH and Lockdown responses later on.
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