Retro Rowe: WWE Royal Rumble 2009 Review

WWE Royal Rumble - January 25, 2009
by SamoaRowe

-The show is originating from Detroit, Michigan. The commentators are sad because Vince McMahon got hospitalized due to Orton’s punt to the head of death. A lot has changed since the days of Jim Ross marking out because Stone Cold sent Vince to the hospital, eh? Anyhow, our hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Jim Ross and Tazz for Smackdown, and Matt Striker and Todd Grisham for ECW.

ECW Championship:
Jack Swagger © vs. Matt Hardy
They lock up for a shoving contest. Hardy connects with some shots, sending Swagger to ringside to recollect. Hardy pursues, directing Swagger to the ring for a clothesline. Swagger retreats to the floor again. Swagger returns and takes Hardy down, applying his amateur wrestling skills. Hardy reverses a wrist lock, but gets taken down again. Swagger is focusing on the arm. Hardy drop-kicks the face and nails a bulldog. Cover by Hardy gets 2. Hardy goes top rope, but Swagger pushes him to the floor. Back to the ring, Swagger returns to working on the arm. Swagger blocks a clothesline and nails a big boot for 2. More arm work from Swagger. Another desperate clothesline by Hardy gives him an opportunity to build momentum. Another bulldog by Hardy gets a cover for 2. Hardy goes drives an elbow off the second rope and gets another near fall. Belly to belly suplex by Swagger gets a cover for 2. They reverse suplexes, but it’s Swagger who nails a DDT. Swagger plants Hardy on the top rope but his superplex is blocked. Hardy hits a moonsault for 2.9! Well, it was a sloppy moonsault, so I can’t say I blame him. Twist of Fate and Side Effect are blocked. Swagger delivers a hard fought Gut Wrench Bomb for the win at 10:29. Nothing too exciting, but Swagger looked credible here, **½.
Winner and still ECW Champion: Jack Swagger

Retro Rowe: WWE Unforgiven 2008

-Originally written in the fall of 2008. I was such a mark during this time, though I fancied myself a smarkety smart mark. 

-Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho settle their score and all three brand championships are defended in “innovative” scramble matches. The rules don’t favor the champions, so it will be a real trick for Triple H, CM Punk, and Mark Henry to hang on to their title belts.

-They are airing live from Cleveland, Ohio. Our hosts for the evening are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Jim Ross and Tazz for Smackdown, and Todd Grisham and Matt Striker for ECW.

ECW Championship Scramble:
Mark Henry © (with Tony Atlas) vs. Matt Hardy vs. The Miz vs. Finlay (with Hornswoggle) vs. Chavo Guerrero (with Bam Neely)
Each of these scrambles has a 20 minute time limit, two superstars start the match and a new star arrives every five minutes, whoever gets a pinfall is the temporary champion, and whoever is the champ at the end of the match is the official title holder.

Matt Hardy and The Miz are the first two participants. They exchange holds in the early going. Things pick up with The Miz hitting a hip toss and targeting the head. The Miz blocks a bulldog, but unwittingly hangs himself up in the turnbuckle. Hardy hits an innovative sit-out power bomb and gets a 2 count. Clothesline by Hardy gets another 2. Miz hangs Hardy on the second rope and dives over to target the head. Cover by Miz gets 2, leading to a chinlock. Sunset flip by Hardy, but Miz blocks the cover. Clothesline by Miz gets a near fall. Miz hits the Reality Check, but Hardy rolls from the ring. By the time Miz gets him in a pinning predicament, Hardy easily kicks out. Five minutes have passed, and Chavo Guerrero enters the fray. Chavo disposes of Miz and hits Hardy with the frog splash to become the temporary ECW Champion. The crowd actually popped for that too, which I find surprising. The Miz goes on the offense against Chavo. Rolling Liger kick by Chavo sends Miz to the floor, setting up a dive. Hardy is up and goes after Chavo. The Miz goes high risk, but is met by Chavo. Miz knocks him off, and hits a flying cross body on both Hardy and Guerrero! Hardy cleans house. Side effect on Chavo by Hardy is enough for a three count, making him the current ECW Champion. Hardy dumps Guerrero and works a headlock on Miz. Things lead to a stand-off.

Ten minutes have passed, and Mark Henry confidently makes his way to the match. Miz, Hardy, and Guerrero try to triple team Henry, but he effortlessly throws them off. Henry cleans house. Henry slams Chavo and temporarily regains his ECW Championship. Hardy slingshots himself into Henry’s fist and tumbles to the floor. Henry continues to dish out the punishment to Guerrero and Miz. Chavo finds himself stuck in the world’s strongest bear bug. Hardy attempts a high risk move but Henry catches him with another bear hug. 15 minutes have passed and the final man, Finlay, joins the match. Hornswoggle immediately hides under the ring, as Finlay strikes Henry with a DDT, trying to get the quick pin. Henry uses yet another bear hug to slow down Finlay. Hornswoggle provides the distraction, and Finlay knocks Henry with the shillelagh. Hardy assists in dumping Henry, but Finlay strikes Hardy with the Celtic Cross. Finlay becomes the temporary ECW Champion! Missile drop-kick by Miz takes out Finlay. Hardy hit’s the twist of fate on Miz and wins the title! Frog splash on Miz by Chavo almost gets a pin, but it’s broken by the others. Henry returns and his pinfall attempt on Miz is also interrupted. Hardy keeps breaking up Henry's frequent pinfall attempts. Finlay attempts the Celtic Cross on Hardy, but Henry breaks it up. Henry and Hardy are on a virtual stand-off as less than a minute remains. All five men are all over each other as the time expires and Hardy is declared the winner at 20:00! There were some slow parts, but this did a great job of establishing the scramble rules and setting the tone for the evening, ***.
Winner and new ECW Champion: Matt Hardy

Retro Rowe: Summerslam 2008 Review

-Originally written in August 2008. 

-Welcome to the "Biggest Blockbuster of the Summer!" Tonight, Cena and Batista battle for the first time, Triple H faces his biggest challenger yet, CM Punk sets out to prove himself against his biggest naysayer, and Edge and Undertaker bring their rivalry into the infamous Hell in a Cell.

-Our hosts for the evening are Jim Ross and Tazz for Smackdown, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler for Raw, and Matt Striker and Todd Grisham for ECW.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Jeff Hardy
MVP attempts a big boot right out of the gate, but Hardy is ready for him. Hardy lures MVP to ringside and batters him around. Cover by Hardy gets 1. Scoop slam by Hardy and an over the ropes leg drop. Hardy works the arm. MVP gets the rope break and the match restarts. They exchange kicks, with Hardy getting the upper hand. Hardy runs into an overhead belly to belly suplex from MVP, earning a cover for 2. MVP works the head and arm. MVP transitions into a camel clutch. Hardy counters with a monkey flip, but MVP wraps himself around the leg for a hold. Hardy gets a rope break, so MVP kicks him around a bit. Hardy tries to use the ropes for a catapult, but MVP catches him in process and continues to dish out a pounding. MVP places Hardy in the tree of woe, and MVP snaps his head to the mat. Cover by MVP gets 2. Hardy escapes a power bomb and counters with a Neckbreaker. Hardy mule kicks MVP into the corner, but MVP blocks the corner drop-kick. Cover by MVP gets 2.5. MVP drop-kicks Hardy to the corner but Hardy counters the big boot with a clothesline. Side Russian legsweep by Hardy and a pinning combination for 2. MVP counters the corner drop-kick again, but Hardy counters into a sunset flip. Whisper in the Wind by Hardy, who goes high risk. Shelton Benjamin runs in, so Hardy dives onto him on the floor. Hardy goes for the Swanton bomb on MVP, but misses. MVP hits the drive-by kick to the head and picks up the win at 10:10. This was a good way to open the show, ***.
Winner: MVP

Retro Rowe: WWE Great American Bash 2008 Review

-Again, not a review I'm all that proud of, just want to save it for my own reasons. Written in 2008 around the time the pay-per-view aired. 

-They are airing live from Long Island, New York. Our hosts for the evening are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Jim Ross and Mick Foley for Smackdown, and Mike Adamle and Tazz for ECW.

WWE Tag Team Championship:
John Morrison and The Miz © vs. Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder vs. Jesse and Festus vs. Finlay and Hornswoggle
Festus clears the ring as the bell sounds. Miz and Morrison dish Hornswoggle into the path of Festus. Hornswoggle rolls up his sleeves for a fight, which is just simply adorable. Festus is distracted, and Hornswoggle launches himself to the floor on the champs. Festus gets his hands on The Miz and dominates him, making a quick tag to Jesse. Monkey flip by Jesse is followed up with a Neckbreaker variation. The Miz kicks out of a cover, but Festus gets a tag and continues the hard hitting assault. There’s an audible “We want Finlay” chant in the building, and the crowd gets their wish, unfortunately Finlay is immediately dropped. Morrison tags and isolates Finlay, keeping things fresh with The Miz. Finlay escapes a hold, but Miz immediately hit’s a side Russian takedown. Morrison tags and catapults onto a propped Finlay. Morrison works a headlock. Finlay fights to his feet, but eats a Neckbreaker. Finlay mounts a comeback against the champions. Zach Ryder gets a blind tag and aggressively jumps Finlay. Hawkins gets a tag and dishes out a beating before tagging his partner back. Finlay hit’s the Celtic Cross on Ryder, but Hawkins prevents a pinfall. Finlay gets a blind shillelagh shot. The Edgeheads rebound and put Finlay in a chinlock. Hornswoggle tags and takes down Ryder with a hurracanrana. Jesse gets a blind tag (to some heat) and cleans house on Ryder. Festus gets a tag and dishes out the punishment onto Ryder, and takes a moment to kick Hawkins off the turnbuckle. Festus fights off Miz and Morrison. Hawkins prevents Jesse and Festus’s double team, and Hawkins and Ryder pick up the win at 9:06. The match was standard, but this was a pretty lousy way to end Miz and Morrison’s lengthy title run, **.
Winners and new WWE Tag Team Champions: Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder

Retro Rowe: WWE Backlash 2008 Review

WWE Backlash  

April 27, 2008
by SamoaRowe

-Originally written back in 2008, when I was much worse about thinking I had to mention every little move in my PBP's. 

-From Baltimore, Maryland. Our hosts for the evening are Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross for Raw, Mike Adamle and The Tazz for ECW, and Michael Cole and Mick Foley for Smackdown!

United States Championship:
Montel Vontavious Porter © vs. Matt Hardy
MVP has held on to the U.S. title for eleven months, winning the title in a 2/3 falls match last year at Judgment Day against Chris Benoit. Hardy has been chasing MVP for the belt for over five months, with injuries and other circumstances getting in the way. MVP targets the previously injured knee of Matt Hardy in the early going, but Hardy dodges. Some ground and pound work by MVP until Hardy fires away. MVP flees to ringside to regroup, but Hardy directs him back to the ring. Hip toss by Hardy gets him a cover attempt. Elbow drop by Hardy for another cover. Side headlock takedown by Hardy. Elbow off the turnbuckles by Hardy gets yet another cover. Even Michael Cole admits that these covers are not designed to end the match, but wear down MVP. MVP rebounds with a suplex and plants Hardy on the top rope. MVP climbs, but Hardy knocks him off, but MVP blocks a moonsault! Snapmare by MVP and a knee drop for a cover. MVP stretches Hardy’s midsection. Knees to the gut by MVP, using the ropes for leverage. Hardy counters and gets a cover. Belly to belly suplex by MVP for a near fall, followed by a series of elbow drops (for yet another cover). MVP drops Hardy with a back press slam. Hardy hit’s a desperate clothesline, and both men are down. Corner clothesline and bull dog by Hardy gets a 2 count. MVP blocks a side effect and hangs him up on the ropes. Hardy blocks the playmaker and hit’s the side effect for a close 2 count. Hardy goes high risk, but MVP drop-kicks him. MVP climbs up, and gets a side effect off the top for good measure! Hardy is slow to gain the cover, so MVP kicks out. MVP blocks the twist of fate with a backslide, Hardy kicks out and goes for a school boy. MVP blocks the twist of fate again and punishes Hardy in the corner. MVP kicks Hardy in the head, sending him to ringside. Hardy is almost counted out, rolls back to the ring, only for another kick to the skull. MVP sizes Hardy up for the win, charges and misses a kick in the corner. Hardy hit’s the twist of fate and gets the pin fall victory at 11:29! MVP’s 11 month reign is over! The match was solid, but not as lively as some of their previous outings, **½.
Winner and new United States Champion: Matt Hardy

Retro Rowe: WWE No Way Out 2008 Review

WWE No Way Out 

February 17, 2008
by SamoaRowe

-Originally written for DaWrestlingSite in 2008 here.

-Follow me on Twitter @SamoaRowe

-From Las Vegas, Nevada. Our hosts for the evening are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman for Smackdown, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW.

ECW Championship:
Chavo Guerrero © vs. CM Punk
This match had some fun build, as CM Punk disguised himself as a mariachi to ruin Chavo’s celebration ceremony and later tossed Guerrero into the Gulf of Mexico. Chavo slaps as the bell rings, so Punk kicks him in the head. Tirt-a-whirl backbreaker by Punk gets a cover for 2. Hard Irish whip by Punk, but Chavo kicks him to the floor. Back to the ring, an uppercut by Chavo gets a one count. Punk connects with some stiff kicks, but Chavo retakes control. Suplex by Guerrero leads to a body scissors. Punk reverses into a catapult into the turnbuckles. Kick and knee lift by Punk and a back body drop. Chavo gets a boot up but runs into a power slam. Chavo counters the Go 2 Sleep with a hurricanrana. Tornado DDT by Chavo gets 2.5. Enziguri by Punk gets a cover for 2.5. Punk mocks Chavo’s mannerisms, and by doing so mocks Eddie, so the crowd boos this. Punk goes for the three amigos and ends up slamming Punk and gets some near falls. Chavo blocks the GTS with the ropes but gets kicked off the apron. Punk rolls Chavo to the ring for a cover but can only get 2. Punk attempts a superplex but Chavo blocks. Punk knocks Guerrero off his feet on top but his head scissors takedown is blocked. Chavo hit’s the frog splash for the win at 7:15, to some big crowd approval. The match had its moments, but they wrestled an unintelligent match considering each man’s face/heel alignment, **.
Winner and still ECW Champion: Chavo Guerrero

Retro Rowe: WWE Great American Bash 2005 Review

WWE Great American Bash

by SamoaRowe

July 24th 2005

-Follow me on Twitter @SamoaRowe.

-From Buffalo, NY. Our hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

-Just for the record, in the ten years since this event took place, I have never seen a single match or segment. I read Scott Keith’s blistering review and it turned me off from ever wanting to see this. It’s a little hard to believe that such a miserable event could take place after WWE knocked the ball out of the park with it’s last three pay-per-views (Smackdown’s Judgment Day, ECW’s One Night Stand, and Raw’s Vengeance) but I suppose I should have learned by now that in this century, a string of great WWE shows is usually a setup for 6-8 months of blah to follow.

WWE Tag Team Championship:
MNM © (Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro, with Melina) vs. Road Warrior Animal and Heidenreich

Animal is paying tribute to his late partner, Hawk, and this match is cashing in on a recent Road Warriors DVD release. It’s also worth noting that Animal’s brother, John Laurinaitis, was in charge of hiring talent at this time. Tazz unfortunately shines a light on the fact that this is the second time that Animal and Heidenreich have teamed up, so this wasn’t exactly a long chase for the gold. The fans really get behind L.O.D. 2.0 during their hot start, especially when Animal hits a double vertical suplex on MNM. True to the formula, MNM blindside the back of Heidenreich’s knee to set him up as the face in peril. It doesn’t take too long for Animal to get the hot tag and clean house. Nitro delivers a blind belt shot, but Animal kicks out. Heidenreich breaks up the Snap Shot, and Animal scoop slams Mercury to set up the Doomsday Device for the win at 6:42. Crowd pleasing finish to cap off a cookie cutter nostalgia match. This result might have been okay if MNM had regained the titles on the next Smackdown, but L.O.D. went on to reign for THREE months. Not the worst opener ever, *½.
Winners and new WWE Tag Team Champions: Road Warrior Animal and Heidenreich

Retro Rowe: "ECW" One Night Stand 2005

WWE ECW One Night Stand

by SamoaRowe

June 12th 2005

-From New York, NY. The show opens with a cold open of a jam packed Hammerstein Ballroom and our host, Joey Styles, is introduced to a massive pop and “Joey” chants. Styles busts out the “Oh My God” catchphrase and welcomes the fans and fellow host, Mick Foley as Cactus Jack. Cue the authentic ECW opening video.

Lance Storm (with Dawn Marie) vs. Chris Jericho

Memory serves that this was Storm’s final WWE match before going into semiretirement. Jericho is playing his “Lionheart” throwback character, differentiating himself from his Raw persona. The two old friends bump fists and engage in a chain wrestling sequence. The match restarts after a stalemate with Jericho taking control and playing a subtle heel. Jericho misses a dive off the apron and hits the barricade. Lance capitalizes with a drop-kick and delayed vertical suplex. Storm back springboards into a drop-kick. There’s a chant for the recently deceased Chris Candido as they trade pinning predicaments. Storm surprises with a super-kick for a near fall. Jericho blocks a superplex and nails a flying elbow for a 2 count. Storm rolls into a Calgary Crab, but Jericho counters with a slingshot and bulldog. Storm counters the Lionsault, but Jericho still applies the Walls of Jericho. Dawn Marie prevents the referee from seeing Storm tap, but Jason Knight, Justin Credible, and Dawn Marie interfere, allowing Storm to pick up the win at 7:19. Storm celebrates with the Impact Player posse, pleased to have won. This was a bit on the short side, with a screwy finish intended to add another nostalgic layer, but the in-ring work was tremendous, **¾.
Winner: Lance Storm

Retro Rowe: Judgment Day 2005

WWE Judgment Day 2005

by Samoa Rowe

May 22nd 2005

-From Minneapolis, MN. Our hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz. For what it’s worth, this is a Smackdown-only pay-per-view.

-This event is rated TV-MA! Holy crap, right? I wonder if it has anything to do with Kurt Angle declaring that he wants to “have sex with Booker T’s wife” in a rapey tone of voice during the opening video package.

WWE Tag Team Championship:
MNM © (Johnny Nitro and Joey Mercury, with Melina) vs. Hardcore Holly and Charlie Haas

2005 was a year where many horrible gimmicks and developmental guys were shoved down our throat on the main roster… and MNM was not one of those. Even though Melina seems unsure of herself in a prematch promo, they way they strut to the ring together and come off as a well polished act right out of the gate is commendable. The criminally underutilized Charlie Haas outwrestles Nitro and arm drags him into the ropes. Holly smells rookies and stiffs MNM with a series of nasty chops. Nitro saves Mercury from the Alabama Slama with a well-timed super-kick, and Holly settles in as the face in peril. There’s even a “Let’s go, Hardcore” chant from the supportive crowd. Holly counters with a full nelson slam on Nitro and Haas gets a hot tag. Haas clears the ring and wipes MNM out with a plancha. Melina interferes, almost causing Haas to get pinned in a small package. Haas nails an exploder suplex, but the referee is distracted by Nitro driving Holly into the ring post. MNM fluster Haas with cheap attacks until finishing with the Snap Shot at 8:04. Great energy and heat in this opener, just wish it had a few more minutes to build a more complete story, **¾.
Winners and still WWE Tag Team Champions: MNM

Retro Rowe: WWE No Way Out 2005

WWE No Way Out

by Samoa Rowe

February 20th 2005

-From Pittsburgh, PA. Our hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

WWE Tag Team Championship:
Doug and Danny Basham © vs. Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero

The continually unover Basham Brothers somehow weaseled their way into a second reign with the tag straps, but it comes crashing down tonight. Eddie starts against Danny and completely outwrestles him. Rey delivers some quick offense, Danny corners him for a tag. The Bashams attempt an early isolation, but Mysterio counters with a fancy arm drag. Eddie scores a hurricanrana, but ends up getting isolated. They have a timing issue where Eddie should have made a tag due to a slow Doug Basham. Eddie dodges a flying head butt and Rey gets a hot tag. The Bashams make the switcheroo and surprise Rey with a hard clothesline to make him the new Face in Peril. Eddie ties two tag ropes together for an advantage, but he’s caught cheating, and Rey suffers for it. The Bashams toss Rey into the air for a hard landing, but it leads to a Mysterio comeback. Eddie gets the hot tag and plows through the Bashams. Eddie’s momentum is cut off with a double spinebuster, but Rey drop-kicks Eddie into a roll-up for a near fall. Rey talks Eddie out of using a belt for a weapon while the Bashams make another switcheroo. Eddie rolls through a Frog Splash attempt but plays dead to lure Doug into an inside cradle near fall. Eddie and Rey arrange for the referee to take a tag belt away and miss them using the other belt to set up a 619 for the win and titles at 14:47. This was so very dull, but the antics down the go home stretch were highly amusing, **¾.
Winners and new WWE Tag Team Champions: Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio

Retro Rowe: WWE Summerslam 2004

WWF SummerSlam 2004

by Samoa Rowe

August 14,2004

-From Toronto, Ontario. Our hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Michael Cole and Tazz for Smackdown.

Cruiserweight Champion Spike Dudley and the Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von) vs. Rey Mysterio and WWE Tag Team Champions Paul London and Billy Kidman

It’s hard to believe this is a real match. Spike recently revealed his true nature as the calculating, evil leader of the Dudleyz. London and Kidman hold their own against D-Von until Bubba assists from the apron. London gets trapped in Dudley territory. Bubba inadvertently knocks D-Von off the apron, and London fights off Spike to make the hot tag to Mysterio. Rey overwhelms Spike, nailing a top rope hurricanrana for a 2 count. Rey catches Bubba with a seated senton and plants D-Von with an inverted DDT. Spike head butts Rey and Kidman makes a blind tag to continue the momentum for his team. The match breaks down and the Dudleyz get dumped. London connects with a dive, leaving Spike to suffer Rey’s 619 and Kidman’s Shooting Star Press! D-Von pulls Kidman to ringside to save the match and dodges a diving Mysterio. Bubba uses a belt as a weapon and Kidman eats the 3D. Spike pins Kidman at 8:04. Pretty good opener with the right energy, **¼.
Winners: The Dudleyz

WWE Pay-Per-View Posters - 2005

WWE Pay-Per-View Posters - 2004