Retro Rowe: Summerslam 2008 Review

-Originally written in August 2008. 

-Welcome to the "Biggest Blockbuster of the Summer!" Tonight, Cena and Batista battle for the first time, Triple H faces his biggest challenger yet, CM Punk sets out to prove himself against his biggest naysayer, and Edge and Undertaker bring their rivalry into the infamous Hell in a Cell.

-Our hosts for the evening are Jim Ross and Tazz for Smackdown, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler for Raw, and Matt Striker and Todd Grisham for ECW.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Jeff Hardy
MVP attempts a big boot right out of the gate, but Hardy is ready for him. Hardy lures MVP to ringside and batters him around. Cover by Hardy gets 1. Scoop slam by Hardy and an over the ropes leg drop. Hardy works the arm. MVP gets the rope break and the match restarts. They exchange kicks, with Hardy getting the upper hand. Hardy runs into an overhead belly to belly suplex from MVP, earning a cover for 2. MVP works the head and arm. MVP transitions into a camel clutch. Hardy counters with a monkey flip, but MVP wraps himself around the leg for a hold. Hardy gets a rope break, so MVP kicks him around a bit. Hardy tries to use the ropes for a catapult, but MVP catches him in process and continues to dish out a pounding. MVP places Hardy in the tree of woe, and MVP snaps his head to the mat. Cover by MVP gets 2. Hardy escapes a power bomb and counters with a Neckbreaker. Hardy mule kicks MVP into the corner, but MVP blocks the corner drop-kick. Cover by MVP gets 2.5. MVP drop-kicks Hardy to the corner but Hardy counters the big boot with a clothesline. Side Russian legsweep by Hardy and a pinning combination for 2. MVP counters the corner drop-kick again, but Hardy counters into a sunset flip. Whisper in the Wind by Hardy, who goes high risk. Shelton Benjamin runs in, so Hardy dives onto him on the floor. Hardy goes for the Swanton bomb on MVP, but misses. MVP hits the drive-by kick to the head and picks up the win at 10:10. This was a good way to open the show, ***.
Winner: MVP

Retro Rowe: WWE No Mercy 2007

WWE No Mercy 

October 7, 2007
by SamoaRowe

-Live, from Chicago, Illinois. Our hosts for the evening are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield for Smackdown, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW.

-The opening package uses a Biblical theme to highlight John Cena’s fall from grace, with Randy Orton being given storyline credit for putting him on the shelf. Keep in mind that heading into this pay-per-view, we did not know for sure how exactly the vacant WWE title situation was going to be handled.

-The show kicks off with Vince McMahon and William Regal coming to the ring to address the WWE title. Vince announces that Cena will be out for six months to a year (to which a large portion of the crowd pops for). Vince plays to the crowd for a bit before finally getting to the point, which is awarding the WWE title to Randy Orton. Orton poses with fireworks going off on the stage and the crowd seems pleased about this development. Regal congratulates Orton and tells him he can choose his challenger for tonight. The crowd chants “Y2J” as Orton begins his acceptance speech. Triple H interrupts and questions Orton’s guts. Vince gives Triple H a title shot right now! Side note, this segment went almost 20 minutes, which is far too long for a pay-per-view.

WWE Championship:
Randy Orton © vs. Triple H
Orton jumps HHH from behind and it’s on! HHH fights Orton off and takes control. Orton tries to flee unsuccessfully. Orton rebounds and concentrates on wearing down The Game. Unable to get a pinfall, Orton utilizes the chinlock. HHH fights out and nails a desperate clothesline. Triple H is able to maintain control, planting Orton on the ropes. Superplex connects! Spinebuster by HHH, but still no pin. Rope assisted DDT by Orton gets 2! The RKO and Pedigree both get countered! Knee drop by Orton misses, allowing Triple H to lock in a figure four! HHH is tossed to ringside but hangs Orton up on the ropes. Orton knocks HHH off ropes but misses a charge, leaving himself vulnerable to a roll-up! Triple H wins his 11th world title at 11:01! This was a lively opener, **¾.
Winner and new WWE Champion: Triple H

WWE No Mercy 2007 Review

WWE No Mercy
October 7, 2007

-Live, from Chicago, Illinois. Our hosts for the evening are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield for Smackdown, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW. -The opening package uses a Biblical theme to highlight John Cena’s fall from grace, with Randy Orton being given storyline credit for putting him on the shelf. Keep in mind that heading into this pay-per-view, we did not know for sure how exactly the vacant WWE title situation was going to be handled. 

-The show kicks off with Vince McMahon and William Regal coming to the ring to address the WWE title. Vince announces that Cena will be out for six months to a year (to which a large portion of the crowd pops for). Vince plays to the crowd for a bit before finally getting to the point, which is awarding the WWE title to Randy Orton. Orton poses with fireworks going off on the stage and the crowd seems pleased about this development. Regal congratulates Orton and tells him he can choose his challenger for tonight. The crowd chants “Y2J” as Orton begins his acceptance speech. Triple H interrupts and questions Orton’s guts. Vince gives Triple H a title shot right now! Side note, this segment went almost 20 minutes, which is far too long for a pay-per-view.

WWE Championship:
Randy Orton © vs. Triple H
Orton jumps HHH from behind and it’s on! HHH fights Orton off and takes control. Orton tries to flee unsuccessfully. Orton rebounds and concentrates on wearing down The Game. Unable to get a pinfall, Orton utilizes the chinlock. HHH fights out and nails a desperate clothesline. Triple H is able to maintain control, planting Orton on the ropes. Superplex connects! Spinebuster by HHH, but still no pin. Rope assisted DDT by Orton gets 2! The RKO and Pedigree both get countered! Knee drop by Orton misses, allowing Triple H to lock in a figure four! HHH is tossed to ringside but hangs Orton up on the ropes. Orton knocks HHH off ropes but misses a charge, leaving himself vulnerable to a roll-up! Triple H wins his 11th world title at 11:01! This was a lively opener, **¾.
Winner and new WWE Champion: Triple H

-Orton looks dumbfounded, which is just awesome. You can really sense how devastated he is that his championship moment has already passed. Triple H spends quite a bit of time celebrating in the ring, though I must say that the crowd response is phenomenal.  -Backstage, Randy Orton and Vince McMahon bump into each other. They are both at a loss for words.

Jeff Hardy, Paul London, and Brian Kendrick vs. Mr. Kennedy, Lance Cade, and Trevor Murdoch
Whoa, I forgot this match exists. It’s not listed on the DVD packaging. Kendrick starts against Cade. London tags and delivers a sunset flip. Murdoch tags and goes toe to toe with London. Hardy tags but gets kicked in the face by Murdoch. Tag by Kennedy, who takes control of Hardy. Kendrick and Murdoch are in, but Cade positions the ropes so Kendrick crashes to the floor. Kendrick becomes the isolated face in peril. Hardy gets the hot tag and cleans house. Swanton Bomb on Murdoch, but Cade breaks the pin. London dispatches Cade, but Kennedy tags in. London hits a springboard drop-kick on Kennedy. Hardy misses a dive off the barricade, leaving London alone. Kennedy nails the Lambeau Leap for the win at 8:03.

Good work by all the participants, could have used a few more minutes to pick it up another notch, **½.
Winners: Mr. Kennedy, Lance Cade, and Trevor Murdoch

 -Backstage, Batista congratulates Triple H. Batista repeats what Triple H told him at Unforgiven, that it’s one thing to win the title and another to defend it. Triple H (in a slightly mocking tone) wishes Batista luck in the Punjabi Prison match. Vince storms in and decides that since they had advertised Triple H vs. Umaga, they’re still going to have the match… with the title on the line!

ECW Championship:
CM Punk © vs. Big Daddy V (with Matt Striker)
Big pop for hometown hero, CM Punk. Of course, you know that means Punk is about to get buried. BDV tosses Punk from the ring immediately. BDV takes Punk down and spins around on his back. Punk hits some stiff kicks. BDV misses a corner splash and eats a missile drop-kick! Matt Striker storms the ring and attacks Punk for the DQ at 1:35. BDV continues to beat Punk down afterwards. This was a complete waste of pay-per-view time. Also, leaves me wondering why did the ECW brand fail again? DUD!
Winner by DQ: CM Punk

-CM Punk bleeds from the mouth as officials help him to the back. The crowd cheers his ability to walk out, which is kinda nice.  -Tazz hosts a pizza eating contest between Matt Hardy and MVP! You know, they might have been able to get away with this segment had there not been a 20 minute talking segment to open this show. Far too much pay-per-view time is given to this, which results in Matt Hardy throwing up, which strangely enough, is what I would have done had I paid $40 to see this live.

WWE Championship:
Triple H © vs. Umaga
HHH blocks a belt shot from Umaga and a brawl erupts. Umaga no-sells a DDT but gets dumped to ringside. Umaga no-sells the ring steps and takes control with a super kick. They counter each other’s finishers but HHH nails the Spinebuster. Pedigree is countered with a Samoan Drop. Cue the Bear Hug!

Triple H rakes the eyes to escape but eats Umaga’s Uranage. Triple H dodges a charge and nails the Pedigree to retain at 6:33. This was pretty dull and heatless, but Umaga was allowed to look good in surprisingly one-sided match, *¾.
Winner and still WWE Champion: Triple H

-Save_Us.222 teaser video! Chris Jericho is on his way back to the WWE!

-The Great Khali is meditating to the “most evil of Hindu gods” backstage. Ranjin Singh tells us to stay quiet but then cuts a loud promo.

Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio
JBL is suggesting that Rey Mysterio is in the U.S. illegally, and I guess Finlay agrees. Rey uses his quickness to overwhelm Finlay in the early going. Rey attempts a sunset flip to the floor, but Finlay wraps him in the apron cover. Finlay establishes control by sliding Rey shoulder-first into the ring post. Finlay goes to work on the newly injured shoulder. Rey rebounds with a springboard cross body. Seated senton by Rey connects! Finlay blocks the 619 with a nasty clothesline. Shoulder-breaker by Finlay! The ref yells at Finlay over an exposed turnbuckle, Rey blocks a shillelagh shot. Rey nails a series of shots to the back of Finlay’s head! Finlay is knocked out! Well, until he opens his eyes to check if anyone is around. I’d say Rey wins at about 9:30. This was a very well worked match, it just needed a little more time, **¾.
Winner by K-O: Rey Mysterio

-Mysterio looks concerned as Finlay is placed on a stretcher. Finlay then leaps off the stretcher and jumps Rey from behind! Finlay lays quite a beating on Mysterio before being separated by officials. Finlay was an awesome heel during this time.

-Triple H is receiving some medical attention when Vince pays him another visit. Vince doesn’t think enough history has been made tonight, so he books Triple H vs. Randy Orton in the previously advertised Last Man Standing match.

Women’s Championship:
Candice Michelle © vs. Beth Phoenix
Beth knocks Candice down immediately and stays on the offense. Candice attempts a victory roll, which just looked awful. Beth angrily powers away on Candice to “we want puppies” chants. Candice responds with some kicks and locks on some arm scissors. Beth catches Candice in a cross body and slams her! Beth works the head. Candice breaks a lock by charging into the corner. Crossbody by Candice gets 2. Beth sloppily drives Candice into the ropes but gets rolled up. Backbreaker by Beth and a sloppy cradle suplex ends this at 4:28. Beth bursts into tears as she’s given the Women’s title. The match was sloppy and rushed though, which is disappointing considering how enjoyable their Unforgiven match was. ½*.
Winner and new Women’s Champion: Beth Phoenix

-Beth puts herself over as the perfect combination of beauty and strength. Her title win ushers in the era of the Glamazon!

World Heavyweight Championship Punjabi Prison match:
Batista © vs. The Great Khali (with Ranjin Singh)
The Punjabi Prison structure is one of the goofiest looking constructions WWE has ever come up with, complete with “reinforced steel bamboo.” There are two yellow cages to escape from.

Batista quickly ties Khali in the ropes, making me hope this doesn’t take long. Khali breaks out and calls for the cage door to open (giving him one minute to get through it, according to the goofy rules of the match). Batista blocks Khali, so the door is locked shut. Batista calls for the second door, but Khali applies a sleeper. Khali chokes with a rope, which is grounds for firing in 2010. Khali calls for the third door but Batista nails a spinebuster. Batista whips Khali with a leather strap and decides to climb the cage. Khali climbs up and counters a power bomb. Cue the vice grip! Khali calls for the final door but Batista delivers a low blow. Khali shuts the door on Batista and now they are both stuck in the inner cage. Khali climbs but Batista pulls him onto the ropes. Batista climbs but gets dropped onto the mat. Khali makes it over the inner cage and now only has to get over the second cage to claim the championship. Batista sprints up the first cage and JUMPS to the second one! Khali is over the second cage, but Batista drops down and wins at 14:46! This was surprisingly enjoyable, as the (lack of) quality of the wrestling didn’t really matter, as the match was smartly booked. I daresay this was Khali’s best match, **¾.
Winner and still World Heavyweight Champion: Batista

-Todd Grisham interviews Triple H backstage. Triple H says this is a dangerous business but that’s not a surprise. He says he’s just getting started and advises Randy Orton to get ready to get hurt!

WWE Championship Last Man Standing match:
Triple H © vs. Randy Orton

Slugfest kicks off the match, but Orton begins targeting Triple H’s injured ribs (to which he owes Umaga a thank you card). Orton backdrops Triple H onto the barricade! Orton drives Triple H into the ring steps. HHH counters with a face buster. Orton nails his patented backbreaker to reclaim control. Orton incorporates a chord into a rear naked choke. Back to the floor, Orton clears the announce tables and delivers a monitor blow. Triple H counters the RKO on the tables, driving Orton back-first through the ECW table! Triple H follows up with a spinebuster on the floor! Orton gets knocked down again with the ring steps! Orton keeps getting back up at the 9 count. Jim Ross is doing just as much on commentary to put Orton over as Triple H is. Orton blocks a chair shot and DDTs HHH onto it. RKO through the chair! Triple H is busted open but gets up. Triple H blocks the death punt and hulks up. Orton counters a Pedigree on the floor with a catapult into the ring post. Orton grabs the steps but Triple H low blows. Brutal chair shot by Triple H! Orton counters a Pedigree on the announce table with the RKO! Triple H fails to get up and Orton wins at 20:23! Fantastic main event that made Randy Orton look like a million dollars. This is probably the best match Orton and Triple H ever had together, ****¼.
Winner and new WWE Champion: Randy Orton

 Final Thoughts: No Mercy 2007 was a real rollercoaster of an event. The multiple title matches that seemed to be made on the fly gave the show an element of surprise and unpredictability. However, there were some real wastes of time, particularly the opening segment and the pizza eating contest. However, like Unforgiven, it’s a breezy show to get through, as most of the matches are on the relative short side. Unlike Unforgiven, this show has a great main event and a compelling storyline, so I’d actually recommend this one. Just skip the boring chapters and you’ll be fine. Recommended.

WWE Unforgiven 2007 Review

WWE Unforgiven
September 16, 2007

-This show has been heavily affected by a recent string of Wellness Policy violations and the umpteenth return of The Undertaker. A cryptic opening video package features a whispering child warning Undertaker’s enemies to be terrified. -Live from Memphis, TN. Our hosts for the evening are Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, and Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield for Smackdown.

ECW Championship:
CM Punk © vs. Elijah Burke
Burke doesn’t get a televised entrance. Make your own joke about the prestige of the ECW title. It’s worth noting that Punk is ECW Champion because John Morrison is suspended for violating the Wellness Policy. The match begins slowly, with both men feeling one another out. Side Russian legsweep by Punk gets the first near fall. Punk pleases the crowd with some stiff shots. Burke sits Punk in the corner and slams his head to the mat. Burke goes to work on Punk’s back.

Punk mule kicks out of a hold for a comeback. Springboard clothesline by Punk gets 2. Burke trips Punk onto his back at ringside, retaking control in the process. Punk spends an eternity stuck in a Boston Crab before getting the ropes. Burke hits some German suplexes! Burke continues the back work. Punk catches a roll-up out of nowhere and retains at 11:51. I suppose they were trying to position CM Punk as an underdog champion with that weak finish. Otherwise, this was slower than I would have expected, but Burke busted out some cool moves, **½.
Winner and still ECW Champion: CM Punk

WWE Tag Team Championship:
MVP and Matt Hardy © vs. Deuce n’ Domino (with Cherry)
Hardy and MVP are wacky tag team champions who hate each other, since they are also feuding for MVP’s United States Championship. Hardy and MVP argue over who starts the match. Hardy starts but MVP tags himself in right away. MVP is just as concerned with trash talking Hardy as he is in wrestling Deuce and Domino. Hardy and MVP continually mock each other while in control. Deuce and Domino manage to finally isolate Hardy for a period. Domino knocks MVP off the apron, which frustrates MVP into taking a hike. MVP has a change of heart and returns as Hardy takes down both Deuce and Domino. MVP gets a hot tag and cleans house on Deuce. MVP dispatches Domino and gets the ballin’ elbow drop, but Hardy tags himself in. Hardy uses MVP to bat Domino off the apron and hits the Twist of Fate on Deuce for the victory at 9:17. Dull match, but it became much more interesting towards the end. Deuce and Domino were also complete afterthoughts here, **.
Winners and still WWE Tag Team Champions: Matt Hardy and MVP

-Pretaped interview with Rey Mysterio. Rey puts over how badly The Great Khali hurt him before. Rey addresses his critics who say he has no chance of surviving the triple threat match with Batista and Khali by pointing out they said the same thing heading into Wrestlemania 22.

Triple H vs. Carlito
This match stipulates no disqualifications… for Carlito. The match kicks off with an aggressive brawl. Carlito tries to use a chair, but gets driven into the barricade. HHH continues to work the back. The referee catches Triple H cheating during an abdominal stretch, giving Carlito a chance to clear an announce table. Carlito uses the ring bell to take control. Carlito chokes with some wire. Triple H blocks Carlito’s apple spitting but eats numerous trash can shots. Carlito sets a can in the ropes but Triple H retakes control. Carlito throws powdering into The Game’s eyes. Carlito charges with a chair, but a blind Triple H nails a spine buster. The referee takes a chair away from HHH and misses the low blow on Carlito. Pedigree finishes Carlito at 10:39. Not a bad story driven match, though the booking made it absolutely clear that Carlito was not in Triple H’s league without the unfair rules, **¾.
Winner: Triple H

-Maria interviews Batista backstage. Batista has a triple threat match tonight against his friend, Rey, and the champion, Khali, and it’s going to be every man for himself. -Whoa, we are treated to a hype video for the Beth Phoenix/Candice Michelle feud! You don’t see that too often in WWE women’s wrestling.

Women’s Championship:
Candice Michelle © vs. Beth Phoenix
Beth overpowers Candice in the early going. Candice grabs the wrist and outmaneuvers Beth. Phoenix is mad and responds with a backbreaker. Beth wears down Candice with a series of violent attacks. Candice fights back with some clever leg work, but Beth retakes control quickly. Overhead backbreaker by Beth! Neckbreaker counter by Candice! Beth drives Candice into the turnbuckles and delivers a press slam! Candice counters again with a roll-up for the win at 7:05. Candice wins by the skin of her teeth, as the match did a great job in establishing just how brutal Beth Phoenix can be. Sadly, the crowd was dead and the match dragged at times, but by WWE divas standards, this was very good, **.
Winner and still Women’s Champion: Candice Michelle

-Todd Grisham interviews Ranjin Singh and World Heavyweight Champion Great Khali backstage. Singh interprets that Khali is laughing about what Rey and Batista had to say about him. Singh puts a Mysterio mask on a cantaloupe and has Khali crush it. Khali also destroys a watermelon that represents Batista’s bigger head. This was pretty funny, too bad Khali is about to lose the belt, eh?

World Heavyweight Championship:
The Great Khali © (with Ranjin Singh) vs. Batista vs. Rey Mysterio

Batista and Mysterio both go after Khali but the champion fights them both off. Rey surprises Batista with a roll-up, prompting them to fight while Khali recovers. Seated senton on Batista by Rey, but Khali drops Mysterio with a big boot. Batista blocks the vice grip but eats a tomahawk chop. Khali locks the vice grip on Batista but Rey breaks it up with a chair shot. Khali takes Batista out at ringside before dismantling Rey in the ring. Batista saves Rey from the vice grip! Khali is tied up in the ropes and Batista unloads on him. Rey blocks the Batista Bomb and hits 619! 619 on Khali and the West Coast Pop! Batista power bombs Rey onto Khali! Spinebuster on Khali and Batista wins the title at 7:59. This was smartly booked to cover for the weaknesses of the participants, was short enough, and the finishing sequence was spectacular, **½.
Winner and new World Heavyweight Champion: Batista

-Get the fast-forward button ready, it’s time for a video recap of Vince McMahon discovering that his illegitimate son is none other than Hornswoggle! -Backstage, Triple H congratulates Batista for his title win. Triple H reminds Batista that defending the title will be the real challenge.

World Tag Team Championship:
Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch © vs. Paul London and Brian Kendrick
Kendrick starts against Cade. Kendrick uses his speed but Cade uses his size and strength advantage. Murdoch tags and almost gets pinned with an inside cradle. London and Kendrick make quick tags and focus on Murdoch’s wrist. London and Kendrick dump Cade and Murdoch to the floor and dive onto them! Kendrick misses a flying cross body and finds himself isolated. Cade power slams Kendrick off the top rope but London breaks the cover. Murdoch continues the isolation of Kendrick. London makes the hot tag and cleans house on Cade and Murdoch. Double stomp onto Murdoch’s neck only gets a 2 count! Cade misses an elbow drop, London capitalizes. Kendrick nails a cross body on Murdoch for 2! Kendrick kicks out of Murdoch’s kick to the head! Murdoch blocks Sliced Bread #2 and pins Kendrick at 11:47. Good formula tag, ***.
Winners and still World Tag Team Champions: Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch

-J.R. and Lawler gush over how great The Condemned, starring Stone Cold Steve Austin, was.

WWE Championship:
John Cena © vs. Randy Orton
Cena was approaching the one year mark during his third WWE title reign here, the longest since Hulk Hogan in the 80’s. John Cena Sr., a recent victim of Orton’s, is sitting at ringside. Cena does his best angry face and tackles Orton.

Orton takes quite a bit of punishment before catching Cena in the ropes with an uppercut and DDT. Cena rebounds with another tackle but Orton locks in the headlock. Cena breaks the hold and gets carried away pummeling Orton in the corner. The referee calls for the DQ at 7:21! The sudden finish hurts, but this wasn’t exactly shaping up to be a classic to begin with, *½.
Winner by DQ: Randy Orton

-A frustrated Randy Orton pulls Cena Sr. over the barricade. Cena makes the save and locks Orton into the STF, prompting Cena Sr. to nail Orton with the death punt! I suppose this was all meant to set up another round of Orton/Cena at No Mercy, but Cena would go down with an injury weeks later. -Jonathan Coachman confronts Cena Sr. backstage. Coach accuses him of knowing that Cena couldn’t win. Coach promises that Orton will receive a Last Man Standing rematch. Cena storms in and gets into Coach’s face, telling him not to mess with his family again.

The Undertaker vs. Mark Henry
This is the second time that Henry gets to main event a pay-per-view due to WWE making sure that a return by The Undertaker seems important. Henry was given storyline credit for putting Undertaker on the shelf back in the spring. Undertaker’s entrance is quite a production, complete with lightning, burning Taker symbols, and pyro. No druids though, which is something of a letdown.

Taker punks Henry in the early going and initiates a brawl. Superplex by Henry! Taker fights back, directing Henry to ringside. Low blow by Henry, who takes control. Taker sits up after a pair of slams and goes on the offense. Chokeslam by Undertaker gets 2. Henry blocks the Last Ride and locks in the Bear Hug. Undertaker counters Henry in the corner with an improvised Last Ride for the win at 11:24! The match wasn’t actively bad, just sort of generally dull. The crowd was dead through most of it too, only popping for Taker’s signature spots, *¼.
Winner: The Undertaker

Final Thoughts: Overall, this was not an impressive show by any stretch of the imagination. The main event fell flat and would have been better suited to main event Friday Night Smackdown. There was also nothing must-see on the undercard, as the match of the night was the *** affair between Cade/Murdoch and London/Kendrick. However, I find myself not feeling a whole lot of rage towards what might come across as a waste of time. The short match lengths really helped here, as the show kept a brisk pace and did not become boring. Still, I cannot recommend Unforgiven 2007 on the grounds that “it didn’t really suck.” Recommendation to avoid.

WWE Summerslam 2007 Review

WWE Summerslam
August 26^th 2007
-From East Rutherford, NJ. Our hosts are Michael Cole and JBL for Smackdown, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW.

Kane vs. Finlay

Yikes, this isn’t exactly what I’d call a “hot opener.” Kane’s ribs are bandaged from a previous shillelagh attack from Finlay. Kane dominates in the early going, though he makes it clear that his midsection is killing him. Finlay finds his opening by knocking Kane off his feet on the ropes, causing him to land rib-first on the turnbuckle. Finlay is no fool and goes to work on the injured midsection. Kane makes a comeback in short order. Kane scores with the flying clothesline and looks ready to end this but Finlay rebounds with a back senton. Hornswoggle (the reigning Cruiserweight Champion) interferes but Kane catches him in retreat. Finlay saves his buddy and blocks a choke slam by kicking the ribs and nailing a DDT. Finlay exposes a turnbuckle to distract the ref from the shillelagh. Kane blocks the weapon but Hornswoggle hands Finlay a second shillelagh. Finlay clocks Kane for a near fall. Kane dishes out a choke slam for the win at 8:46. That was actually pretty decent as Kane had to overcome injuries and a crafty opponent, **½.
Winner: Kane
-Vince McMahon is surrounded by various characters while he continues his hunt for his bastard son. Santino Marella joins the party and suggests he’s the missing son with a song. Vince dismisses him and MVP waltzes in. MVP doesn’t think he’s the bastard but he wants to challenge Matt Hardy to something other than a wrestling match. Vince approves it as he’d be proud to have MVP as a son. Vince is left alone with The Coach, who is wondering if William Regal could be his son. Vince says he could never do it with an English woman. Segments like this make me feel better about the current PG direction, as this is terrible.

Intercontinental Championship:
Umaga © vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Carlito

I see they still hadn’t given up on the Kennedy and Carlito experiments at this point. Umaga dominates in the early going, despite Kennedy and Carlito being in cahoots. Kennedy grabs Umaga’s boot, allowing Carlito to sneak in for a drop-kick. Kennedy kicks Umaga against the ring steps and returns to the ring to go toe to toe with Carlito. Umaga is revived and he pulls Kennedy to the floor. Diving head butt on Carlito by Umaga! Kennedy rescues Carlito from a corner splash (why?) and clocks Umaga over the head with a monitor. Carlito pays it forward by knocking Kennedy off the apron and going for the cover. Carlito talks Kennedy into continuing their alliance. Umaga reverses a double suplex! Umaga goes ballistic and tears through both opponents. Kennedy dumps Umaga and nails the Kennedy Roll on Carlito. Umaga storms back and nails Kennedy with the Samoan Spike for the win at 7:20. This was lively and straight to the point, I liked it, **½.
Winner and still Intercontinental Champion: Umaga
Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

This is Mysterio’s big comeback match after Chavo put him on the shelf last winter. Rey comes out dressed like the Silver Surfer, since Fantastic Four 2 was playing that summer. Chavo is eager to attack the surgically repaired knee. Rey takes Chavo down and they flip around until Guerrero goes tumbling to ringside. Chavo wraps Rey’s knee around the ropes but soon finds himself on the receiving end of a dive to the floor. Rey begins targeting Chavo’s knee, which seems fair. Chavo sets Rey up in a tree of woe and finds another chance to hurt the knee. Rey counters a leg submission with a head scissors takedown, but Chavo retains control. Rey nails an enziguri, but his knee won’t allow him to hit 619. Guerrero applies a half crab! Chavo absorbs a cross body counter but gets caught in the tree of woe! Rey unloads all his anger on a helpless Guerrero. Seated senton to the floor by Mysterio! Rey mans up enough to hit a springboard move and kicks the head for 2. Tornado DDT by Rey gets another near fall. Chavo ducks a cross body and nails the Gory Bomb! Rey kicks out! The 619 misses, allowing Chavo to hit the 3 Amigos. Rey blocks the third suplex and finishes with the 619/splash combo at 12:04! This really picked up as it went along, these two always did have a great chemistry, ***.
Winner: Rey Mysterio
-Todd Grisham ponders if Triple H’s return will be as successful as Rey’s. He interviews HHH’s opponent, King Booker! Playing a British king was such a goofy direction for them to go with Booker T. Anyways, the King vows to make Triple H bow before him.

-Women’s Champion Candice Michelle has the night off and is here to watch the #1 contenders battle royal.

Divas Battle Royal:
Beth Phoenix vs. Maria vs. Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Melina vs. Victoria vs. Kristal vs. Michelle McCool vs. Layla vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Brooke

The winner will get a shot at Candice’s Women’s title. Half the women in this match moved on to TNA and seem to be doing okay for themselves. Beth dumps future Knockouts Champion Brooke out first. Jillian shoves Maria off the apron. Torrie tosses Layla through the ropes. Kristal kicks Victoria out. Michelle inadvertently eliminates Kristal while attacking Mickie. Beth eliminates Kelly, which saddens Jerry Lawler, since she reminds him of his fourth wife. Torrie eliminates Jillian, saving James. Melina dumps James right away. We’re down to Melina, Torrie, Beth, and Michelle. Melina gets clotheslined out by McCool. Beth ruthlessly tosses Wilson, at last. Phoenix lifts McCool and eliminates her at 7:04. Candice is in big trouble. I don’t have any really mean things to say, so I guess this was good enough, *½.
Winner: Beth Phoenix

-MVP comes to the ring with a cooler. There’s no chance whatsoever that this segment will be a horrible waste of PPV time. MVP boasts that no one paid a ticket to see the divas (true) but they paid to see MVP (doubtful). MVP confesses that when he was poor he would drink beer, but now that he’s filthy rich he only drinks fine beverages. Fortunately for us, out the goodness in his heart, he’ll lower himself to have a beer drinking contest with Matt Hardy. Ugh. Hardy comes to the ring and seems to accept the challenge. Before they begin, Matt tells MVP that he’s proud to be a common man. Hardy says he knows he can out drink MVP so he’s not even going to try. Matt points out that in their boxing match, MVP picked out a substitute, therefore he wants to do the same. As you could probably have guessed, Stone Cold Steve Austin storms the ring and lays MVP out with a stunner.

-Vinnie Mac continues the hunt for his bastard son backstage. Cryme Tyme thinks it could be one of them, seeing as they share a love of money. Coach and Teddy Long join them in dancing around Vince. Regal even gets in on the fun. Why yes, this show did cost $40 to order. The punch line is Ron Simmons proclaiming “DAMN!”

-They’re still pretending that the ECW Championship is a big deal and provide a nice hype package for the John Morrison/CM Punk title match. Neat!

ECW Championship:
John Morrison © vs. CM Punk

CM Punk is aggressive and outwrestles Morrison in the early going. Morrison delivers a neck breaker onto the apron! And just like that, Morrison is in control. Punk gets his hope spots in, spring boarding off the turnbuckles and nailing an enziguri. Turns out it’s a full-blown comeback, as Punk nails a power slam. I’m guessing we’re running short on time. Morrison nails a neck breaker for 2. Lariat by Punk and a moonsault! Morrison gets crotched on the ropes, setting up a nice clothesline. Punk continues to roll until Morrison blocks a hurricanrana. Morrison gets the pin at 7:04 while trying to use the ropes for leverage. Too short to amount to anything, **.
Winner and still ECW Champion: John Morrison

-We get a split screen of The Great Khali and Batista warming up for their title match.

King Booker (with Queen Sharmell) vs. Triple H

Triple H is returning from being sidelined with his second torn quad. This match would be Booker’s last WWE match until his 2011 return. Basically, this match is just a formality to set up a Pedigree. Triple H is too overcome by fan support and Booker nails a cheap shot to kick things off. It doesn’t take long for HHH to clothesline Booker to the floor so he can resume posing. Triple H continues to trounce Booker until Sharmell provides a distraction. Booker drop-kicks the surgically repaired leg and goes to work on it. Triple H quickly comes back with a figure four leg lock, but Sharmell rakes the eyes to break it up! Booker gets some shots in but it doesn’t take long for HHH to bounce back. HHH delivers a spinebuster but the Pedigree is blocked. Booker’s scissors kick misses but he delivers the Bookend! Side slam by Booker but the Harlem Hangover misses! Triple H muscles into the Pedigree for the victory at 7:54. This was one of the most selfish performances I’ve ever seen. I guess it’s excusable since Booker was leaving, but I don’t think anyone paid $40 for an extended squash, *.
Winner: Triple H

World Heavyweight Championship:
The Great Khali © (with Ranjin Singh) vs. Batista

In 2007, I left to go camping for 2 weeks and I came home to find that Khali had randomly become World Champion. Needless to say, I was not pleased. Batista had been chasing the World title all year and had failed at every pay-per-view since Wrestlemania. Khali manages to dominate in the early going in suitable fashion. Batista snaps Khali’s neck on the ropes but runs into a chop to the head. Cue the nerve hold! The crowd chants “You can’t wrestle” as the shoulder massage continues. Batista finally counters but runs into a big boot. Batista blocks the vice grip and nails a spinebuster! Khali blocks a flying shoulder block and nails the double choke slam. Batista kicks out! Singh slides in a chair and Khali uses it for the DQ at 6:54. Crappy finish to a crappy match, ¾*.
Winner via DQ: Batista
-Batista gets his heat back with a spear and some chair shots. Don’t worry, folks, if you’re feeling ripped off that you spent $40 and got this, next month you can spend another $40 for Unforgiven, where we promise this won’t happen again!

-Mae Young and The Fabulous Moolah want to have relations with Vince, so they can provide another bastard son. Young tackles Vince and it’s about as funny as it sounds. Actually, it’s far worse, as they drag the elderly women out of the room by force. In the wake of the Benoit tragedy, WWE tried really hard to keep things classy, as you can tell. The punch line is that Vince kind of liked it.

WWE Championship:
John Cena © vs. Randy Orton

Believe it or not, but at the time Cena/Orton was a fresh match. Also, Cena was in the 11^th month of his third title reign and Orton was the biggest threat to come along in months. J.R. is kind enough to mention that Cena had been champion for 24 out of the previous 27 months. So yeah, the crowd is heated for this one. Cena is roundly booed as he works a headlock. Orton reverses to a nice pop. Cena looks for an STF but Orton starts throwing hard punches. Cena scores a bulldog for the first near fall. Cena is selling a head injury and misses a shoulder block. Orton sends Cena crashing off the apron onto the announce table. Cue the chinlock! Cena counters but he’s unable to build any momentum. Orton misses a knee drop, but cuts off Cena’s comeback with, you guessed it, a main event chinlock! Cena is trapped for quite a while before backing Orton into the turnbuckles to escape. Cena makes a comeback, complete with the Five Knuckle Shuffle. The F-U is blocked and Orton nails a backbreaker. DDT off the ropes by Orton gets 2! The RKO is blocked but Cena is sent tumbling to the floor. Orton whips Cena into the ring steps but can’t get the pinfall. Swinging neck breaker by Cena but he gets caught on the top rope. Cena blocks and delivers the flying leg drop! The F-U is blocked yet again and Cena gets snapped off the ropes. Orton goes for the death punt but it misses! Cena locks on the STFU, but Orton gets the ropes. RKO out of nowhere but Cena kicks out! Cena surprises with the FU and gets the pinfall at 21:13. This is easily the best match Cena and Orton ever had together, ****.
Winner and still WWE Champion: John Cena
---
Final Thoughts: The main event surpassed my expectations. It’s funny that I was so down on Orton at the time, looking back he was firing on all cylinders in 2007. Nothing else on the show really stood out. The under card is forgettable as the big selling points in the weeks leading up to it were that Triple H and Rey Mysterio were coming back. The Rey/Chavo match was a good outing but that Triple H/Booker match left a bad taste in my mouth. Overall, this is a bland show, and WWE is capable of doing much better for the “Biggest Party of the Summer.”

Thumbs down!

Why do we have three brands again?

I think everyone can agree that World Wrestling Entertainment is not having a good year by any means. After business had been on the rise for most of 2006 and early 2007, there have been many bumps in the road that have hurt the promotion. The most severe has to be the Benoit family tragedy, which hit the wrestling industry in general, and has brought attention to the drug problems in wrestling to congress. WWE is not making things any easier for themselves, and I will explain why.

I ask the question "Why do we have three brands anyway?" I have explored the stupidity that WWE incorporates when it comes to their three brands in past entries, but this is a subject that continues to bug me. Let's take a look at some problems they have had recently, and how the brand split should have helped them but didn't.

For starters, at the beginning of the summer, the WWE was running an elaborate "Who killed Mr. McMahon" angle. They were betting on this to be a big ratings draw, so they played out aspects of the angle on ECW and Smackdown as well, despite this being a Raw-centric angle. The problem was that this angle ate up so much time on ECW and Smackdown, that their own angles and roster were pushed to the side. Then the Benoit murders occurred and it became clear that it would be unwise to continue such an angle in this light. Good thing this was a Raw angle, so that only Raw will be hurt and the other two shows can continue on smoothly. Oh wait, the death angle swallowed ECW and Smackdown whole, they need regrouping too! What should have been an issue of replanning the next month of Raw's turned into an issue of replanning all three brands. This should not have happened.

Vince waited for a few weeks before returning to Raw. He quickly wrapped up the death angle, briefly explaining that he faked his own death to see how his family would react. On the same show, it was revealed that Vince had an illigitimate child. Another high profile Raw angle was born!

Oh, but wait! This angle ALSO spilled over to ECW and Smackdown. Vince and Coach started visiting all the brands in search of the illigitimate child, and the angle was now consuming ECW and Smackdown's angles as well! I suppose this is good and all, since absolutely nothing could happen to disrupt this angle... except that there was. The common understanding across the internet community is that the bastard son was going to be Mr. Kennedy, which would have been a great way to elevate him up the WWE ladder. This angle was going to make a new main event star, one that would likely take the WWE Championship and become a strong heel heading into Wrestlemania 24. It would have worked, except that a lengthy list of WWE superstars were busted of having been customers of an online steroid ring. This list decimated all three brands, as John Morrison, King Booker, Umaga, and Mr. Kennedy were included on the bust. So now, not only was the prime candidate for the bastard son role in need of a suspension, but so were many of the alternative ideas.

Once again, a high profile angle that engulfed all the shows had been disrupted greatly. WWE tried to salvage the situation by having the bastard son turn out to be Hornswoggle, so they could run a comedy angle rather than have it be an out-right flop by having the son turn out to be some unover midcarder that would not work in the main events. Again, this is something that should have only hurt Raw, but it hurt Smackdown as well. Hornswoggle was the Cruiserweight Champion, and had been associated with Finlay and feuding with Jamie Noble. Since he's been a McMahon, Hornswoggle has been cut off from both almost completely.

The hits just keep coming for WWE, as now the WWE Champion, John Cena, is hurt and needs 6-12 months to recover. Now there is a huge void at the top, and the No Mercy main event is up in the air. How can this be? Are there not two other brands besides Raw? Surely, Smackdown has a main event worth headlining? Oh wait, the Smackdown main event is Batista vs. Khali in a Punjabi prison match. This match has disaster all over it, when it was booked it was assumed that Cena/Orton III would be the main selling point of the show. Nevermind. Okay, so how about that ECW brand? Do they have a main event worth headlining No Mercy? Actually, they have CM Punk, who is doing the best he can with what they give him, against Big Daddy V. Never heard of Big Daddy V? He used to go by the name, Viscera. Yes, that Viscera. The unover, worthless, slug of a 90's burnout who has somehow managed to keep a job in WWE for the past three years. But this is typical of the ECW brand. On the last pay-per-view, Unforgiven, the ECW title match opened the show, and the challenger didn't even get a televised entrance. The ECW title is below midcard status now.

What makes matters even worse about the John Cena situation is that again this is something that should only be hurting Raw. But it isn't. The WWE is making sure that if Raw goes down, all the other brands go down with it. They've been heavily addressing how screwed they are over Cena on both ECW and Smackdown this past week. Lovely.

So, with three brands, isn't there some way that these problems could have been avoided? The death and bastard son angles should have stayed on Raw. There is no reason why ECW or Smackdown had to get involved. They would have acknowledged the loss of Mr. McMahon, but did we really need an episode of Smackdown where all the feuds were thrown to the side in favor of interbrand "tribute" matches? Then when the bastard son angle started, it should have been stated that the son was a Raw superstar, leaving the other two brands out. This is not a case of boosting the other shows because they have the aftermath of Raw's "grand" events. I don't see the Teddy Long heart attack incident all over Raw and ECW (aside from Smackdown rebounds, etc). If the same thing had happened to an authority figure on Raw, an entire episode of Smackdown would have been devoted to it.

In the case of John Cena's injury, the time used recapping it and fearing what the solution would be, they should have turned up the heat on ECW and Smackdown. They needed to let CM Punk cut a kick-ass promo over how he would step up as ECW champion and make No Mercy a night to remember. They should have allowed Tommy Dreamer to get the title shot instead of Viscera. There is invested emotional interest in Dreamer, because he's an original who just wants to be the ECW champion again. That would have been appealing, and the most credible ECW main event in months. On Smackdown, they should have tried harder to put Batista over as a mighty world champion. Instead, it was the same old shit.

So there you have it. There are three brands, but it seems that every storyline disruption on Raw has to hurt the other two. And at the same time, they keep Smackdown and ECW in such ruins that they cannot rely on them to step up when something goes wrong on Raw. If this is really how they plan on running the company, then it's time to just unify the roster again. Do Raw and Smackdown, and turn ECW into Velocity (keep Heat on WWE.com) with the same roster. It wouldn't look that much different now. Book a CM Punk/Batista/WWE Champion triple threat match where the winner gets all the titles and unify them at once. Either do this, or start being smart with the brand extension. WWE has had five years now to get it right, and they haven't, so something needs to change.