Retro Rowe: WWE Capitol Punishment 2011 Review

WWE Capitol Punishment

June 19, 2011

by Samoa Rowe

-Follow me on Twitter: @SamoaRowe

-From Washington D.C. They put some extra effort into the stage, with the set dressed up to resemble the White House. Our hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T.

United States Championship:
Kofi Kingston © vs. Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero)

That’s right, another round of Kofi vs. Dolph. I’m predicting another 13 minutes of good, but formulaic action. After an even exchange, Kofi builds some momentum with a monkey flip. Dolph counters Trouble in Paradise and nails the Fame-asser to take control. Kofi sneaks in some near falls but Ziggler remain in control with a German suplex (!!!). Kingston counters the sleeper to create an opening for a comeback. Kofi delivers the SOS for only 2. Kofi blocks the Zig Zag and nails a double stomp! High cross body by Kingston still isn’t enough. Dolph’s sleeper is countered but Vickie grabs Kofi’s hair. Ziggler reapplies the sleeper for the win at 11:02. Lively opener here, as they busted out some unusual moves and Dolph actually won with the sleeper, **¾.
Winner and new United States Champion: Dolph Ziggler

-R-Truth is strolling around the parking lot with the WWE title over his shoulder. Josh Mathews wants an interview, but Truth is feeling too festive to talk. Truth bumps into Eve Torres and invites her to his celebration party. Eve rejects the offer, saying she doesn’t know who Truth is anymore. This seems to get under Truth’s skin and says he wants to dedicate his title victory to all the Little Jimmies and Jennies.

-The Miz is interviewed by Todd Grisham. Miz resents the notion that he’s going to have a hard time beating Alex Riley. He claims he rescued Riley from the sea of NXT rejects and is sick of hearing that Riley was important to his success.

The Miz vs. Alex Riley

They start brawling before the bell even rings. The ref pulls Riley off, inadvertently allowing a Miz big boot to turn the momentum. Riley seems too inexperienced to pull off a comeback and wipes himself out in the turnbuckles. Miz gets a bit too overconfident and almost loses control. Riley escapes from a Tree of Woe, causing Miz to crotch himself in the ring post with a running drop-kick. Cue the A-Ry comeback! Riley attacks Michael Cole for disrespecting him and Miz capitalizes. The referee takes the steel briefcase away from Miz, allowing a Riley DDT to end it at 10:12. The match wasn’t very interesting, but Riley’s upset win is a neat moment, **.
Winner: Alex Riley

-Sgt. Slaughter shakes hands with an imposter Barack Obama. Vickie Guerrero interrupts and creepily sings “Happy Father’s Day.” She gets dragged off by some Secret Service agents. I bet Vince McMahon thought this was hilarious.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Big Show ambushes Del Rio during his entrance. Show bats Del Rio around ringside but gets jumped by Mark Henry! Show gets driven through the announce table with the World’s Strongest Slam! Henry attacks Show’s leg again for good measure before leaving. Show crawls to the ring and insists on going through with the match. Del Rio takes advantage of Show’s injuries but still gets choke slammed. Show counters the cross arm breaker but is too hurt to follow through. Del Rio applies a cross leg breaker but it gets a rope break. Show is unable to stand so the match is called off at 4:54. This wasn’t much of a match, it mainly served to put heat on Mark Henry, ¾*.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio

-R-Truth attacks a photographer backstage.

-Matt Striker tries to interview Wade Barrett, but gets the microphone taken away. Barrett cuts a promo on his way to the ring, mostly about how stupid America is. America is a lot like Ezekiel Jackson, a “hollow shell.”

Intercontinental Championship:
Wade Barrett © vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Barrett has to retreat when Jackson nearly gets the Torture Rack. Barrett is in trouble until he pulls the tights to drive Jackson into the turnbuckles. Fans chant “We want Ryder” during the heat segment. Barrett hangs himself on the ropes with a missed big boot and Jackson makes his comeback. Barrett nails Wasteland, but Jackson kicks out! Jackson dishes out power slams and finishes it with the Torture Rack at 6:38. This was on par with their Over the Limit outing, **.
Winner and new Intercontinental Champion: Ezekiel Jackson

-Jerry Lawler interviews Jackson on his victory. Jackson panders to the crowd and puts himself over.

-”President Obama” meets Beth Phoenix, Santino Marella, and Kelly Kelly. Santino asks Barack if he wants to see the Cobra and gets taken down by Secret Service. The laughs never end around here.

-Josh Mathews interviews CM Punk about his match with Rey Mysterio. Punk says D.C. is the home of the straight-edge movement but it’s also the home of villainous politicians. He might be a politician, but at least he tells the truth, and Rey Mysterio who is a liar who uses the fans to make himself rich. After he’s done beating Rey, he’s going to do the most honest thing we’ve ever seen. He’s referring to the worked shoot promo that would catapult him to the top tier of WWE permanently.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

Neither man has a clear advantage in the early going. Rey scores some takedowns and drops Punk to ringside but Punk counters the seated senton! Punk has all the momentum and wears Rey down for a long while. Punk wishes Rey a happy Father’s Day, which seems to inspire a comeback. Springboard moonsault to the floor by Mysterio shifts the momentum. Punk rolls through a springboard cross body and they trade counters until Rey kicks the head. Back superplex by Punk gets a slow 2 count. Rey improvises with 619 around the ring post. Punk counters a splash but it huts his knees. Rey counters the GTS for a near fall. Spinning kick by Punk isn’t enough and the GTS is countered again. Punk counters 619 into the GTS to finally end it at 14:55. This rose above Rey’s normal formula with the hot finishing sequence, ***.
Winner: CM Punk

World Heavyweight Championship:
Randy Orton © vs. Christian

Christian sets the tone with a slap and Orton goes ballistic. Christian drop-kicks Orton through the ropes but misses a dive, allowing Orton to remain in the driver’s seat. Christian counters a DDT off the steps to shift the momentum. Orton builds some steam but is acting as though he’s been knocked loopy. Orton delivers a belly to belly but his patented DDT is countered yet again. Orton delivers a superplex but it hurts his head in the process. Orton busts out a gut-wrench neck breaker! Christian dodges the RKO but finally gets caught with the Orton DDT! An inverted DDT by Christian nearly ends it. Orton leaps over a spear, the RKO is blocked, and Christian nails the spear for a startling near fall. Orton rebounds with The RKO Out Of Nowhere for the victory at 13:59. This differentiated itself well from the Over the Limit match with Orton’s head injury and Christian turning up the intensity, ***¾.
Winner and still World Heavyweight Champion: Randy Orton

-Christian informs the referee that his foot was under the rope during the pinfall. Orton is unimpressed by Christian’s whining and clocks him in the head with the title belt. That wasn’t the sort of “title shot” that Christian had in mind. A video replay of the finish vindicates Christian, as his foot was indeed under the rope. Orton actually seems excited by this, as if he’s looking forward to facing Christian yet again.

-Keith Stone (a beer spokesperson, I guess) and the Bella Twins come to the ring. Who knows why, since it’s interrupted by an R-Truth hype video.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

Swagger uses his size and strength advantage to take control early on. Bourne bounces off the ropes for a head scissors takedown! Swagger utilizes a gut-buster to retake control. Swagger continues with the Swagger Bomb and Bourne is in trouble. Bourne comes back with another head scissors but gets power slammed for his trouble. The Swagger Bomb is countered and Bourne nails his flying knees. A tornado DDT by Bourne gets a 2 count. They trade counters until Bourne steals a pinfall at 7:16. Nothing wrong with this one, but it felt like a Raw match, **.
Winner: Evan Bourne

-”Barack Obama” delivers a speech on the stage. The crowd hates this, as you might expect. The segment drags on with Booker T interviewing “Obama” in the ring. Booker shows the president how to do the Spinaroonie. We get a “Barackaroonie” which turns out to only be a half-assed attempt. I bet everyone at home was happy to have spent $40 on this.

WWE Championship:
John Cena © vs. R-Truth

Cena shows off his big match experience advantage and flusters Truth early on. Truth counters the AA and plants Cena for an early near fall. Truth builds some steam with his patented side kick. Truth wears Cena down in the obligatory heat segment, which seems to drag on for an eternity. Cena dodges a leg drop and hilariously goes through his routine comeback. Truth counters with a modified neck breaker. Cena applies the STF but Truth gets the ropes. Scissor kick by Truth gets a 2 count. Cena rolls through a flying cross body but Truth counters the AA. Truth gets sidetracked by harassing a young John Cena fan, who throws his drink in Truth’s face. Cena takes advantage with the AA for the win at 14:41. I literally laughed out loud at that finish. Painfully by the numbers main event here, felt like a house show main event, **¼.
Winner and still WWE Champion: John Cena

-Cena celebrates with the young fan who sabotaged R-Truth. This kid was obviously a plant, but way to encourage fans to throw things at the wrestlers.

Final Thoughts: This was a better show than Over the Limit, but just as unimportant in the grand scheme of things. This is almost worth checking out just for the novelty of R-Truth main eventing a pay-per-view, but the match was unremarkable. You’re better off skipping this and rewatching the superior Money in the Bank show that would take place a month later. Thumbs down.