Rowe's Island Music Countdown - 1/30/16

Foals hang on to #1 yet again with "Mountain at My Gates." Meanwhile, some first time Rowe's Island artists enter the scene, including  the Americana styles of Judah & The Lion, the alt-rock of Swimm, and the singer/songwriter Lucero. 

This Chart	Song	Artist	Last
1	"Mountain at My Gates"	Foals	1
2	"Wandering Wolf"	Wave and Rome	2
3	"Adventure of a Lifetime"	Coldplay	5
4	"Let it Happen"	Tame Impala	6
5	"Born Slippy"	Albert Hammond Jr.	3
6	"Wolves Without Teeth"	Of Monsters and Men	7
7	"Stressed Out"	twenty one pilots	4
8	"Roots"	Imagine Dragons	8
9	"Wait"	The Dear Hunter	11
10	"Lazarus"	David Bowie	12
11	"Set It on Fire"	Knox Hamilton	19
12	"Gone"	Jr. Jr.	16
13	"Dreaming"	Smallpools	18
14	"Never Ending Circles"	CHVRCHES	9
15	"First Light"	Racing Glaciers	10
16	"Highway Patrol Stun Gun"	Youth Lagoon	20
17	"Belly"	Swimm	NEW
18	"No Love Like Yours"	Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeroes	NEW
19	"Went Looking for Warren Zevon's Los Angeles"	Lucero	NEW
20	"Kickin' Da Leaves"	Judah and the Lion	NEW

Retro Rowe: WWE Judgment Day 2008 Review

WWE Judgment Day  

May 18, 2008
by SamoaRowe

-Originally written in late 2008, after I'd purchased the event on DVD.

-From Omaha, Nebraska. Our hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Michael Cole and Mick Foley for Smackdown, and Mike Adamle and Tazz for ECW.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena
These two put on a forgotten classic at this event three years ago, but I can’t remember these two ever having a good match otherwise. Slow start with some shoving. Headlock by Cena but JBL makes an uncharacteristically clean break in the corner. Side headlock by JBL. Cena attempts the STFU, but JBL hides in the ropes. JBL snaps Cena’s arm into the ropes and thrusts him into the ring post. JBL continues to work over Cena’s arm. Cena powers out of an armbar in impressive fashion, though he’s selling some major arm pain. JBL resorts to smashing and stomping. Cover by JBL gets 2. Cena fires back despite the pain, but misses a flying leg drop. Cena tries to suplex JBL over the ropes, but JBL counters and drops him on the ropes. JBL knocks Cena off the apron into the barricade. JBL remains in control with his methodical pounding. Bear hug by JBL, because this match wasn’t exciting enough. JBL transitions into a body scissors, also extending the targeted arm. Cena powers to his feet, but gets caught in a full nelson. Cena breaks out and attempts an F-U, but his body gives out. JBL goes back to the body scissors and I’m officially bored. Cena counters with a slam, which required all his strength. They exchange shots but Cena misses a head of steam. Big boot by JBL and some elbow drops to the back. Short-arm clothesline by JBL, who then just stares at his fallen opponent. Cena ducks another clothesline and connects with the F-U for the sudden victory at 15:04. Well, that’s just an obnoxious finish. Far too long for what was accomplished, not to mention a poor opener, *½.
Winner: John Cena

Retro Rowe: WWE Backlash 2008 Review

WWE Backlash  

April 27, 2008
by SamoaRowe

-Originally written back in 2008, when I was much worse about thinking I had to mention every little move in my PBP's. 

-From Baltimore, Maryland. Our hosts for the evening are Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross for Raw, Mike Adamle and The Tazz for ECW, and Michael Cole and Mick Foley for Smackdown!

United States Championship:
Montel Vontavious Porter © vs. Matt Hardy
MVP has held on to the U.S. title for eleven months, winning the title in a 2/3 falls match last year at Judgment Day against Chris Benoit. Hardy has been chasing MVP for the belt for over five months, with injuries and other circumstances getting in the way. MVP targets the previously injured knee of Matt Hardy in the early going, but Hardy dodges. Some ground and pound work by MVP until Hardy fires away. MVP flees to ringside to regroup, but Hardy directs him back to the ring. Hip toss by Hardy gets him a cover attempt. Elbow drop by Hardy for another cover. Side headlock takedown by Hardy. Elbow off the turnbuckles by Hardy gets yet another cover. Even Michael Cole admits that these covers are not designed to end the match, but wear down MVP. MVP rebounds with a suplex and plants Hardy on the top rope. MVP climbs, but Hardy knocks him off, but MVP blocks a moonsault! Snapmare by MVP and a knee drop for a cover. MVP stretches Hardy’s midsection. Knees to the gut by MVP, using the ropes for leverage. Hardy counters and gets a cover. Belly to belly suplex by MVP for a near fall, followed by a series of elbow drops (for yet another cover). MVP drops Hardy with a back press slam. Hardy hit’s a desperate clothesline, and both men are down. Corner clothesline and bull dog by Hardy gets a 2 count. MVP blocks a side effect and hangs him up on the ropes. Hardy blocks the playmaker and hit’s the side effect for a close 2 count. Hardy goes high risk, but MVP drop-kicks him. MVP climbs up, and gets a side effect off the top for good measure! Hardy is slow to gain the cover, so MVP kicks out. MVP blocks the twist of fate with a backslide, Hardy kicks out and goes for a school boy. MVP blocks the twist of fate again and punishes Hardy in the corner. MVP kicks Hardy in the head, sending him to ringside. Hardy is almost counted out, rolls back to the ring, only for another kick to the skull. MVP sizes Hardy up for the win, charges and misses a kick in the corner. Hardy hit’s the twist of fate and gets the pin fall victory at 11:29! MVP’s 11 month reign is over! The match was solid, but not as lively as some of their previous outings, **½.
Winner and new United States Champion: Matt Hardy

Really Retro Rowe: WWE Wrestlemania 24 Review

WWE WrestleMania 24
by SamoaRowe

-Originally written way back in 2008. 

-Disclaimer: this review is only going to cover the matches, as I’m watching this on MegaVideo.com.

-This is the biggest show of the year. Over 70,000 fans have filled up the Citrus Bowl in Orlando, Florida. Our hosts for the evening are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman for Smackdown, and Tazz and Joey Styles are sitting in for ECW related matches.

Belfast Brawl:
JBL vs. Finlay (with Hornswoggle)
Finlay is kicked off the apron before the match can officially begin. Finlay dumps JBL into the ring and aggressively pounds on the Texan. Finlay heads to ringside to retrieve the usual weapons. JBL catches a garbage can and bashes it over Finlay’s skull. JBL, wielding a can lid in one hand and a cookie sheet in the other, nails Finlay with both. JBL fetches the steel steps from ringside and tosses it into the ring. JBL sets up Finlay for a piledriver on the steps, but Finlay back body drops him to the mat. Kick to the head by Finlay and a nasty shot with the cookie sheet. Cover by Finlay gets 2. JBL recovers and pummels Finlay to the corner. Hornswoggle grabs a kendo stick and helps Finlay knock out JBL with the shillelagh at ringside. Back in the ring, Finlay kicks a trash can into JBL’s face. Finlay sets up a table in the corner. JBL reverses an Irish whip into the table, but Finlay hit’s a clothesline. JBL runs to ringside to escape Finlay and the steel steps. Hornswoggle attacks JBL, but gets kicked off. Finlay repeatedly knocks Hornswoggle’s head into the announce table. Suicide dive by Finlay to the floor, but JBL cracks a can lid into his head in mid-air! DAMN! Cover by JBL gets 2. JBL randomly grabs a trash can and whips it at Hornswoggle at ringside! That was so mean it was awesome! JBL goes for the clothesline from hell, but runs into a weapon shot. Finlay angrily destroys JBL with a weapon. Finlay sends JBL crashing into the table, but can only get 2 with a cover. Finlay holds the steps over his head, but JBL hit’s a kendo stick to the knees, causing Finlay to land face first on the steps. Clothesline from hell by JBL is enough to put Finlay away at. Hornswoggle is disappointed, as is the crowd. This was a fun, yet short, weapons brawl, though I’d dare say the wrong man went over. **¾.
Winner @ 9:07: JBL

Retro Rowe: WWE No Way Out 2008 Review

WWE No Way Out 

February 17, 2008
by SamoaRowe

-Originally written for DaWrestlingSite in 2008 here.

-Follow me on Twitter @SamoaRowe

-From Las Vegas, Nevada. Our hosts for the evening are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman for Smackdown, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW.

ECW Championship:
Chavo Guerrero © vs. CM Punk
This match had some fun build, as CM Punk disguised himself as a mariachi to ruin Chavo’s celebration ceremony and later tossed Guerrero into the Gulf of Mexico. Chavo slaps as the bell rings, so Punk kicks him in the head. Tirt-a-whirl backbreaker by Punk gets a cover for 2. Hard Irish whip by Punk, but Chavo kicks him to the floor. Back to the ring, an uppercut by Chavo gets a one count. Punk connects with some stiff kicks, but Chavo retakes control. Suplex by Guerrero leads to a body scissors. Punk reverses into a catapult into the turnbuckles. Kick and knee lift by Punk and a back body drop. Chavo gets a boot up but runs into a power slam. Chavo counters the Go 2 Sleep with a hurricanrana. Tornado DDT by Chavo gets 2.5. Enziguri by Punk gets a cover for 2.5. Punk mocks Chavo’s mannerisms, and by doing so mocks Eddie, so the crowd boos this. Punk goes for the three amigos and ends up slamming Punk and gets some near falls. Chavo blocks the GTS with the ropes but gets kicked off the apron. Punk rolls Chavo to the ring for a cover but can only get 2. Punk attempts a superplex but Chavo blocks. Punk knocks Guerrero off his feet on top but his head scissors takedown is blocked. Chavo hit’s the frog splash for the win at 7:15, to some big crowd approval. The match had its moments, but they wrestled an unintelligent match considering each man’s face/heel alignment, **.
Winner and still ECW Champion: Chavo Guerrero

Rowe's Island Countdown - 1/16/16

Foals capture the #1 spot for the third week in a row with their infectious hit "Mountain at my Gates." 

This Chart	Song	Artist	Last
1	"Mountain at My Gates"	Foals	1
2	"Wandering Wolf"	Wave and Rome	2
3	"Born Slippy"	Albert Hammond Jr.	3
4	"Stressed Out"	twenty one pilots	4
5	"Adventure of a Lifetime"	Coldplay	12
6	"Let It Happen"	Tame Impala	13
7	"Wolves Without Teeth"	Of Monsters and Men	9
8	"Roots"	Imagine Dragons	5
9	"Never Ending Circles"	CHVRCHES	6
10	"First Light"	Racing Glaciers	7
11	"Wait"	The Dear Hunter	16
12	"Lazarus"	David Bowie	NEW
13	"Do You Want to Get High?"	Weezer	8
14	"Capable of Anything"	Ben Folds	10
15	"Unsteady"	X Ambassadors	11
16	"Gone"	Jr. Jr.	18
17	"New Americana"	Halsey	14
18	"Dreaming"	Smallpools	NEW
19	"Set It on Fire"	Knox Hamilton	NEW
20	"Highway Patrol Stun Gun"	Youth Lagoon	NEW

Retro Rowe: WWE Royal Rumble 2008 Review

Royal Rumble  

January 27, 2008
by SamoaRowe

-Originally written in 2008.

-From Madison Square Garden in New York City. The intro video is better than average, with clips from previous Rumbles, nifty shots of the current roster, and a fun taped bit where they are all brawling on a crowded subway car. It was around this time that the WWE seemed to start giving a damn about their production values again. This is also the first WWE PPV to be presented in HD.

-Our hosts for the evening are Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman for Smackdown, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW.

Career Threatening match:
Ric Flair vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
MVP’s United States Championship isn’t on the line (of course). Flair must win this match or he’ll be forced into retirement. Flair cuts a promo before the match, putting over his history in MSG. Flair plays to the crowd in the early going, but MVP knocks him down with a side tackle. MVP corners Flair and plays to the crowd himself. Flair works on the arm. MVP slaps Flair, but gets some vicious chops in return. MVP takes down Flair and hit’s a big boot. Neckbreaker by MVP gets a cover for 2. Snapmare by MVP leads to an arm lock. MVP pummels Flair, but runs into his elbow. Flair tackles the knee, but MVP counters the figure four. MVP blocks the figure four again with a roll-up for 2. More chopping by Flair and smashing by MVP. Back body drop by MVP and a running boot to the jaw. Cover by MVP would have been it, but Flair gets a rope break. Schoolboy by Flair gets 2. MVP is fired up and smashes Flair for another cover. Double underhook suplex by MVP gets a cover for 2. MVP plants Flair on the top turnbuckles and hit’s a superplex! Flair kicks out again and chops his way back into the game. Both men knock each other down. Flair rolls up MVP for 2. Flair attempts a backslide, but only gets 2 again. More chopping by Flair. Flair blocks the Playmaker and locks in the figure four! MVP taps out at 7:45. The match was just kind of there, **.
Winner: Ric Flair

Retro Rowe: WWE Armageddon 2007 Reviews

WWE Armageddon 2007

December 16, 2007 by Samoa Rowe

-Follow me on Twitter @samoarowe

-From Pittsburgh, PA. Our hosts are Michael Cole and JBL for Smackdown, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW.

United States Championship:
MVP © vs. Rey Mysterio

MVP is in the midst of what would go on to be an 11 month title reign. Rey had nothing better to do this month. Rey quickly escapes MVP’s grappling attempts. Rey shows MVP what’s up with a hurricanrana. The referee prevents Rey from making a dive, so Rey has to jump over him, wiping out MVP in the process. MVP finally counters, dropping Rey head-first into the corner. We get the obligatory heat period, as MVP targets the head. Rey lands on his feet on a press slam attempt and kicks MVP into the ropes. Rey makes his comeback, complete with a springboard lateral press. Mysterio botches a springboard leg senton and might have injured himself in the process. Rey recovers and modifies his offense with a back senton off the ropes. MVP smells blood and nails a hard clothesline. They battle on the top until Mysterio nails a top rope hurricanrana. MVP delivers a big boot for 2. Rey counters with a reverse DDT for another near fall. Rey misses 619 and settles for a hurricanrana off the apron. MVP has had enough and allows himself to get counted out at 11:27. Cheap finish to an otherwise cookie cutter match, **.
Winner via count-out: Rey Mysterio

Retro Rowe: WWE Survivor Series 2007 Review

WWF Survivor Series 2007
by SamoRowe

November 18, 2007

-Follow me on Twitter @samoarowe 

-From Miami, FL. Our hosts are Joey Styles, Tazz, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler.

ECW Championship:
CM Punk © vs. The Miz vs. John Morrison

It’s worth noting that The Miz and Morrison had just won the WWE Tag Team Championship leading into this event. Punk has to fend off a double team attack in the early going. Punk tosses both opponents to ringside for a suicide dive! Miz blocks Punk’s springboard attempt on Morrison. Double suplex by Miz and Morrison! It doesn’t take long for Miz to stab Morrison in the back, pushing off the ropes to the floor. Morrison interrupts a Miz chinlock, delivering a slingshot drop-kick. Backbreaker/neck breaker combo by Morrison almost puts Punk away. Punk breaks out of a sleeper with some hard kicks, but gets tossed to Miz, who drops Punk back-first on the concrete. Miz and Morrison trade near falls. Morrison debuts Starship Pain but Punk breaks the cover attempt. Top rope hurricanrana by Punk sends Morrison into a Miz power bomb! Double underhook backbreaker on Miz by Punk! Miz accidentally knocks Morrison off the apron, leaving Punk to deliver Go To Sleep for the win at 7:58. Fine opener that didn’t expose the limitations of the challengers, good victory for Punk, **¼.
Winner and still ECW Champion: CM Punk

Retro Rowe: WWE Cyber Sunday 2007 Review

WWE Cyber Sunday
October 28th 2007

by SamoaRowe

-Democracy has come to the WWE Universe. Tonight, fans will vote for match participants and stipulations.

-From Washington D.C. Our hosts are Michael Cole and JBL for Smackdown, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW. Todd Grisham is on the stage to announce the results to each poll.

Stretcher match:
Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay
Finlay looks pleased about the stretcher stipulation. Rey matches Finlay’s brawling in the early going. Finlay baseball slides Rey onto the stretcher, bringing the fight to ringside. Finlay can’t keep Rey on the stretcher so he works on wearing him down. Rey goes on the offensive with a hurricanrana. They both eye the shillelagh on the poll (one of the losing stipulations) which sets up a sunset flip power bomb by Rey! Rey grabs the weapon but Finlay takes it and punishes him. Finlay drives the stretcher into Rey. Mysterio returns the favor and hit’s a modified 619! Rey nails a back senton onto the stretcher, but some loose cables prevent him from winning. The padding comes off, Finlay gets dropped on it, and the stretcher rolls past the white line. Rey wins at 9:42! This was a very entertaining, and at times creative, brawl. Also, I like stretcher matches, ***.
Winner: Rey Mysterio

Retro Rowe: WWE No Mercy 2007

WWE No Mercy 

October 7, 2007
by SamoaRowe

-Live, from Chicago, Illinois. Our hosts for the evening are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield for Smackdown, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW.

-The opening package uses a Biblical theme to highlight John Cena’s fall from grace, with Randy Orton being given storyline credit for putting him on the shelf. Keep in mind that heading into this pay-per-view, we did not know for sure how exactly the vacant WWE title situation was going to be handled.

-The show kicks off with Vince McMahon and William Regal coming to the ring to address the WWE title. Vince announces that Cena will be out for six months to a year (to which a large portion of the crowd pops for). Vince plays to the crowd for a bit before finally getting to the point, which is awarding the WWE title to Randy Orton. Orton poses with fireworks going off on the stage and the crowd seems pleased about this development. Regal congratulates Orton and tells him he can choose his challenger for tonight. The crowd chants “Y2J” as Orton begins his acceptance speech. Triple H interrupts and questions Orton’s guts. Vince gives Triple H a title shot right now! Side note, this segment went almost 20 minutes, which is far too long for a pay-per-view.

WWE Championship:
Randy Orton © vs. Triple H
Orton jumps HHH from behind and it’s on! HHH fights Orton off and takes control. Orton tries to flee unsuccessfully. Orton rebounds and concentrates on wearing down The Game. Unable to get a pinfall, Orton utilizes the chinlock. HHH fights out and nails a desperate clothesline. Triple H is able to maintain control, planting Orton on the ropes. Superplex connects! Spinebuster by HHH, but still no pin. Rope assisted DDT by Orton gets 2! The RKO and Pedigree both get countered! Knee drop by Orton misses, allowing Triple H to lock in a figure four! HHH is tossed to ringside but hangs Orton up on the ropes. Orton knocks HHH off ropes but misses a charge, leaving himself vulnerable to a roll-up! Triple H wins his 11th world title at 11:01! This was a lively opener, **¾.
Winner and new WWE Champion: Triple H

Retro Rowe: WWE Unforgiven 2007 Review

WWE Unforgiven- September 16, 2007
by SamoaRowe

-This was originally written sometime circa 2009. 

-Follow me on Twitter @samoarowe 

-This show has been heavily affected by a recent string of Wellness Policy violations and the umpteenth return of The Undertaker. A cryptic opening video package features a whispering child warning Undertaker’s enemies to be terrified.

-Live from Memphis, TN. Our hosts for the evening are Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, and Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield for Smackdown.

ECW Championship:
CM Punk © vs. Elijah Burke
Burke doesn’t get a televised entrance. Make your own joke about the prestige of the ECW title. It’s worth noting that Punk is ECW Champion because John Morrison is suspended for violating the Wellness Policy. The match begins slowly, with both men feeling one another out. Side Russian legsweep by Punk gets the first near fall. Punk pleases the crowd with some stiff shots. Burke sits Punk in the corner and slams his head to the mat. Burke goes to work on Punk’s back. Punk mule kicks out of a hold for a comeback. Springboard clothesline by Punk gets 2. Burke trips Punk onto his back at ringside, retaking control in the process. Punk spends an eternity stuck in a Boston Crab before getting the ropes. Burke hits some German suplexes! Burke continues the back work. Punk catches a roll-up out of nowhere and retains at 11:51. I suppose they were trying to position CM Punk as an underdog champion with that weak finish. Otherwise, this was slower than I would have expected, but Burke busted out some cool moves, **½.
Winner and still ECW Champion: CM Punk

Retro Rowe: WWE Summerslam 2007

WWE Summerslam - August 29, 2007
by SamoaRowe

-Follow me on Twitter @SamoaRowe 

-From East Rutherford, NJ. Our hosts are Michael Cole and JBL for Smackdown, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler for Raw, and Joey Styles and Tazz for ECW.

Kane vs. Finlay

Yikes, this isn’t exactly what I’d call a “hot opener.” Kane’s ribs are bandaged from a previous shillelagh attack from Finlay. Kane dominates in the early going, though he makes it clear that his midsection is killing him. Finlay finds his opening by knocking Kane off his feet on the ropes, causing him to land rib-first on the turnbuckle. Finlay is no fool and goes to work on the injured midsection. Kane makes a comeback in short order. Kane scores with the flying clothesline and looks ready to end this but Finlay rebounds with a back senton. Hornswoggle (the reigning Cruiserweight Champion) interferes but Kane catches him in retreat. Finlay saves his buddy and blocks a choke slam by kicking the ribs and nailing a DDT. Finlay exposes a turnbuckle to distract the ref from the shillelagh. Kane blocks the weapon but Hornswoggle hands Finlay a second shillelagh. Finlay clocks Kane for a near fall. Kane dishes out a choke slam for the win at 8:46. That was actually pretty decent as Kane had to overcome injuries and a crafty opponent, **½.
Winner: Kane

Rowe's Island Music Countdown - 1/2/16

Foals return to #1 with their catchy new single "Mountain at My Gates."

Retro Rowe: WWE Wrestlemania 22

WWE WrestleMania XXII
by SamoaRowe

April 2nd 2006

-From Chicago, IL. Our hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, and Tazz. 

World Tag Team Championship:
Big Show and Kane © vs. Carlito and Chris Masters

After a full year of being shoved down our throats, Masters still isn’t over. He squares off with Kane, who quickly nails a drop-kick. Big Show dismantles Masters with his open hand slaps. Masters rakes the face to force a tag to Carlito. Show crotches Carlito on the ropes and press slams Masters. Show tosses Carlito over the ropes onto Masters. Kane delivers a flying clothesline onto both challengers on the floor. Carlito comes back with a drop-kick to the knee of Big Show. Masters and Carlito nail a flapjack on Show to take control. Show reverses a double suplex and takes in a fresh Kane. Kane plows through the challengers as if they were a couple of jobbers. Masters sneaks in the Masterlock but Show breaks it with his boot. Backstabber on Kane and Masters saves Carlito from a choke slam. Kane builds some momentum and finishes Carlito with a choke slam at 6:40. This was more or less a squash, *¼.
Winners and still World Tag Team Champions: Big Show and Kane

Retro Rowe: WWE No Way Out 2006 Review

WWE No Way Out

by Samoa Rowe

February 19th 2006

-From Baltimore, MD. Our hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

“Rey, you’re looking up towards the heavens like you’re looking at Eddie. Let me tell you something, bro. Eddie ain’t in Heaven, Eddie’s down there… IN HELL!” -Randy Orton (speaking to Rey Mysterio). 

I think this quote sums up this entire period in Smackdown history, and why I’m less than ecstatic about revisiting it.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship:
Gregory Helms © vs. Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Paul London vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Funaki vs. Psychosis vs. Super Crazy vs. Nunzio vs. Kid Kash

Helms dropped The Hurricane gimmick due to Katrina, then promptly jobbed to Jerry Lawler in a crap match at New Year’s Revolution. That “momentum” lead him to jumping over to Smackdown and stealing the jobber title in another unproductive Cruiserweight Open match at the Royal Rumble. That leads us to this 9-way match, featuring nine jobbers who lose constantly and have lucked their way into a title match and are looking to win a championship since it’s convenient. I bet some readers will forget that half the participants were even employed by WWE.

Bell rings and Helms flees the ring, leaving the others to brawl. First notable spot is London’s leaping mule kick on Nunzio. The Mexicools work together to splash London and Kendrick at ringside. Kid Kash slams Funaki but is way off on a moonsault. Helms returns to prevent any pinfalls, since this is apparently sudden death. Helms soon finds himself on the receiving end of a gang beat down. The match deteriorates back into everyone fighting at once, hitting meaningless spots. Kid Kash actually earns a pop for a diving head scissors takedown. Cole and Tazz are talking about the “fast and furious” action you can only see from these Cruiserweights, with zero attempt to get any of the individuals over in any way. The roster gets piled up for a dive sequence, but Helms prevents Super Crazy from doing anything cool. There’s a sequence of rapid pin breakups, including Scotty 2 Hotty stirring up nostalgia by hitting The Worm on Helms. Kash plants Psychosis with the Dead Level, Super Crazy breaks the pin with a moonsault, but Helms sneaks in to steal the pinfall at 9:40. The action was fine, but the booking was the usual throwaway Cruiserweight nonsense, **.
Winner and still Cruiserweight Champion: Gregory Helms